S3E22: Understanding ADHD - The Invisible Struggle

Do you want to finally understand the impact of ADHD and time blindness on your daily life? Learn the solution to achieve improved understanding and communication in your relationships. Let's dive into the strategies for managing ADHD symptoms and the relationship between ADHD and self-esteem.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:02 - Introduction and Recap of Recent Events 

00:01:32 - Misconceptions about ADHD 

00:06:37 - Impact of Medication and Mental Health 

00:10:18 - Parenting and ADHD 

00:12:48 - Family History and Mental Health 

00:13:17 - Family Background and Grandfather's Influence 

00:14:18 - Tough Upbringing and Generational Differences 

00:15:40 - Lack of Communication and Understanding of War 

00:18:27 - Girls and ADHD 

00:25:37 - Perfectionism and Control 

00:26:48 - Understanding Routine and ADHD 

00:27:17 - ADHD and ODD Connection 

00:28:41 - Impact of Early Experiences 

00:32:20 - Understanding and Compassion 

00:35:39 - Self-Esteem and Parental Influence 

00:40:40 - Understanding Differences and Early Awareness 

00:41:40 - Effects of Technology on Attention Span 

00:42:16 - Evolution of Learning and Self-Esteem 

00:43:45 - The Influence of History and Time Blindness 

00:49:12 - Coping with Time Blindness and Organization 

00:53:44 - Embracing Differences and Building Partnerships 

00:54:16 - Understanding and Relating to Others 

00:54:48 - The Role of Communication 

00:55:14 - Understanding and Accepting Differences in Relationships 

00:55:57 - Advocacy and Expertise

 

Transcript:

00:00:02
Welcome back to Word Blindness, Dyslexia Exposed. This is Juliet Hahn here with my co host, Brent Sopal. How are you?

00:00:12
Yeah, I'm in peace. Is here. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. So I want the listeners to appreciate this because you just.

00:00:22
Which they heard last week, the. Or maybe it was even two weeks ago, the event that we the SO foundation put on, that was huge and incredible and amazing. And then you moved like the next day and are still getting on and recording. So I just want the listeners to appreciate that. So he is in his new space.

00:00:45
That's.

00:00:48
You have. You have been going and going and going and going and going. Yeah, yeah. Is it two weeks? No, it's.

00:00:57
I don't know, 10 days. That's kind of two weeks, isn't it? Two weekends ago, kind of. Kind of two weeks, yeah. 17th.

00:01:09
So this is actually perfect because this is going to take us into the talk today, which is adhd, and we have something called time blindness. I have word blindness and time blindness. Thank God I can see with my eyes because there's a lot of other blind things that go on. Yeah, yeah, sure you can.

00:01:32
And the reason why I wanted to talk about it is because I've had a lot of epiphanies around my adhd. The shame that I've had, and I hate to even say it because I know I'm evolved, confident woman, but. Yeah, keep laughing. But. And I know we've talked pieces about it and we've gotten into it a little bit, but there's been more things that kind of just have really come up that I was like, this is an important one because of the negative dyslexia.

00:02:02
All these different things have this negative con connotation. Did I say that right? I'm having a hard time pronouncing words today. They have a lot of negative connotations and, you know, dyslexia. Oh, you're dumb because you can't do this, right?

00:02:18
Adhd. When you say. Now, I want you to go back before you understood adhd, when someone said adhd, what did you picture?

00:02:29
What did I picture? Yeah. Like, what kind of person did you picture? Obviously, there's two types, right? There's an idiot like me that bounces off the wall.

00:02:39
And that's why I call it ADHD. 1 and 2. 1 is bouncing off the wall. You know, like everybody analogy. You know, the.

00:02:51
You say ADHD again, ADD is the old term, adhd. Everybody automatically thinks the kid bouncing off the wall can't pay attention. No, not. What. Not.

00:03:05
And I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave number two to you to explain because this is why we're having this conversation today, right? So. Well, there's a couple other things. So I was the adhd, as you said, idiot, right? So, like, there's that word, but I was the ADHD boy, but I was the girl, and I wasn't diagnosed until college.

00:03:27
Well, you know, and. And let's preface that. You know, there's two types. That's why I always say one and two. As, you know, one, let's use.

00:03:35
I use all of these, you know, bouncing off the wall, right? And that is very prevalent and more prevalent in boys than. Because you just said I was the boy or the girl, Right? You know, so, yeah, it's not the idiot. You know, we're bouncing off wall.

00:03:51
We can't sit still. You know, jittering, playing with things. That's one. And it's like, yeah, we have pens and we got little paper and spin it. And like.

00:04:03
So that's. That. That's one. And that is very prevalent in boys. Number two is daydreaming.

00:04:13
And that's very prevalent in girls. And that's why ADHD is the most misdiagnosed learning disorder in girls, slash women in the world. Because if you take a look at it, it's always the boys that can bounce around. They always talk about school. The girls can sit, right?

00:04:37
The girls can sit, but can they pay attention? Are they daydreaming? Are they another world? Are they time lapse, as you just mentioned, as we got on here, you know, just time just completely fly by without paying any attention. That's.

00:04:58
That's everything that comes with daydreaming. That's ADHD too. Yeah. And I knew it as adhd. And then add the hypo.

00:05:09
So hypo and hyper. So my older sister was the hypo. She would like leave shoes. Like my mom one day, she's like, you have one shoe on. Like, how could you leave a shoe?

00:05:20
She was the daydreamer. She was the one that looked out the window. She was the one that was like creative and as we would say, like flighty women. And. Oh, you're such a ditz.

00:05:28
Are you a blonde? Right? All of those things. I. I was not that I was the typical boy, but wasn't diagnosed until later, so all I constantly heard all the time.

00:05:38
And because my mom was a teacher, right, the boy that was the close to cloth, close talker that couldn't, you know, control their body. That was like in your face and, and so I was always very aware, even though I probably as a kid was that like my aunts and uncles, like, you know, I would be climbing on them, you know, hugging them, laughing, making jokes, like, never stopped, right? Never stopped ever. You know, ran into the ocean before I could, before I could swim, you know, jumped into an elevator at like a department store in the city with my mom having all five kids. Because I was like, just, I didn't sit still.

00:06:12
So I was constantly, you're too much, you're too loud. You know, I would enter a room and boom. You know, like it was that. And so I was very conscious of it. But now that we are older and these different things.

00:06:26
So I loved how you. I know you said, I'm going to let you kind of speak it. There's, there's. This is kind of a twofolded reason why I wanted to talk about this. It's come a lot of stuff of.

00:06:37
From me, but then family members and then just an at a talk in New Jersey and a mom coming up and thanking me for sharing my story because her teenagers going through this. And then we kind of dug even a little deeper and I said to you, we really need to talk about this because there's so much. And there's so much. You know, one of the things.

00:07:03
Well, and this is, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back for a second. But in school when the kid is the spaz, a teacher tells the parents, you need to medicate them and it's the first thing. So I was always very, also very aware because I remember my mom never told names, but like, oh, this, you know, the kid left her class because my mom handled kids really well because of her, her kids. She handled the kids really well. So anyone that had anything slightly different or they knew to get my mom because she was going to help that kid blossom, she was going to see the kid, she was going to help them, she was going to let them move around.

00:07:43
She wasn't going to sit them in the seat and tell them to pay attention and sit. Because we need to move around. We need to move. We need to rock. We need to stand up.

00:07:51
We need to do all these things for our brain fire. And one of the things that I, you, you know, we know now is you need the brain to fire you also, as you've talked about as a coach, you need to put your hand on the shoulder, you need to talk. There's all these different things. But when someone has no understanding, just like we talk about all the time with dyslexia and dysgraphia and calculia, adhd. A lot of times when you have learning disabilities, you also have the ADHD part.

00:08:17
And sometimes in an education setting, it's really hard to determine. Is it the dyslexia getting in your way? Is it the ADHD getting in your way? Is it dysgraphia getting your way? Is it dyscalculia getting in your way?

00:08:28
So when I was diagnosed in college, I was relieved, but then ashamed right away. I went on meds because that was what. What you did. And I started doing really well in school, and I was like, well, wait a second. Okay, I'm not dumb.

00:08:42
That feels great, but I need to take a medicine to be able to function. And then I had all of the shame. And I think we did talk about this once, but if we didn't, I really haven't talked about it. And I. And I still get very uncomfortable, but because the meds that I was on offset other things in my body, then I had to take an antidepressant because I didn't have the depressive part.

00:09:05
And to me, back when we were growing up, right, if you were depressed, there was something wrong with you. And I don't know if it was something I heard in my family or there was some person in the neighbor, like, oh, they can't control their emotions. Like, depression wasn't something that was looked at as, oh, let's support and help. And I don't. It wasn't, like, negative, but there was a negative thing about.

00:09:25
Around it. So it wasn't like, okay, you have it. So I also was like, oh, my God, that means I'm not strong emotionally. I'm not a strong person because I can't control my emotions. So then I had to go on a different med.

00:09:36
And that was, like, embarrassed. Like, I hated having to go get my prescription. I hated, like, I remember dating someone and being like, oh, my God, I got to take my medicine in the morning. I don't want them to see it. Like.

00:09:47
And that was, like, a really weird time in my life. And so then when my kids were going through school, I was like, I want. And then I found homeopathy, and we know that story, and it was great. But for my kids, I definitely was like, I'm not medicating you, because I don't know what. Like, I know what it did to me, and I want you to be able to be able to know your body.

00:10:08
But then there's times where I'm like, Did I hinder them? Like, did I hinder them from being good in school? Because I know that it made me good in school. So it's this whole mind fucking.

00:10:18
All right? This whole thing, you know, it's. It's all. It's all mind, right? Yo, that's all we do is mind ourselves every day, all day long.

00:10:29
And that's why it's always talk about relatability so much. That's why I talk about, you know, understanding so much. Then you don't mind yourself. You only. You mind yourself is when you're trying to figure it out, you're going down the rabbit hole that I love, you know, love going down.

00:10:45
You know, it's funny, as. As. As a kid growing up and we talk about this is. I don't remember the word depression. I don't remember, again, so much.

00:10:59
My childhood is black. I don't remember. I don't remember a thing. So, you know, even growing up, when you hear, you know, you're talking about hearing the word, you know, somebody's depressed or. I never heard any of that.

00:11:13
No, I don't remember any of that. I don't know. And obviously we talk about this on here. Is. Is anyone.

00:11:23
Something's black. It's protecting yourself, you know, from it. Right, right. From the trauma around it. So as.

00:11:32
As we've talked on here, and clearly I get a lot of, you know, black for a reason right now.

00:11:41
Be interested to see, you know, kind of where you heard that. You know, I'll tell you. I know, because I don't know. I don't remember a kid. I don't remember anybody going to the nurse's office.

00:11:54
I don't remember anybody talking about adhd. Like dyslexia, for an example. I didn't hear that word to Lila's test when I found out. Sorry, what was I, 32, 33, 34. You know, I had no idea.

00:12:09
Never heard the word before. Right. Along with, you know, any. Everything else that came, you know, this graphic, you know, adhd, that. That was the first time that I've heard the word.

00:12:21
It was dumped on me like, Freight train.

00:12:25
Yeah. And I. Because my mom was in education, and so I. I don't know if it was like. And again, my mom wasn't, like.

00:12:32
She didn't talk about kids in a bad way, but I remember her, you know, you know, parents. Oh, there's that mom that's forgetting the library book or. Oh, that poor kid. Because of this. And.

00:12:41
And so I definitely. Because of how intuitive. And I felt Emotions. I kept those things in my head. Right.

00:12:48
I didn't want to be that mom. Right. Remember we talked about how it was like so scheduled with the kids and everyone was like, what the fuck's happening? You were like such a free spirit. Now you're like so controlled.

00:12:56
But it's because the only way I knew how to survive, because I knew it was going to either be a free for all or they were going to be really behaved kids or it was going to be a shit show. So I had to go with that. But that's also some things. And my, my mom's dad probably was depressed and I think I. There probably was discussions about it.

00:13:17
He was a career military guy. He would. And I loved my pop. My pop up. Like, I always would just sit next to him and, and pop up.

00:13:25
Pop up. Yeah. And that's what my dad is, a pop up too. What is that? You didn't hear that?

00:13:30
That's like ma, mom and pop. Pop or nanny and pop up was its grandparents pop up. Yeah. My dad's pop up as well. And it could be also like when my dad left, it could be some of the conversations like, oh, he could, you know, like, there's definitely some things that were conversations and not negative, but like.

00:13:51
Or I shouldn't say that. Not like gossipy, but maybe just in conversations. And I could hear everything. I knew what was going on because I could hear everything. And so I think that there was some of that.

00:14:01
But my grandfather used to come home and he would sit at the table and have beer and that's what he would do. And he didn't talk a lot. He was 100 Irish. He had, he had a tough life. His parents died when he was young and he raised his kid and his siblings and, and he had a tough life then.

00:14:18
He had seven kids in five years. I mean, they had two sets of twins a year apart. Like, I mean, he was in every war. They lived in Germany. Yeah, it like, you know, he, he, he had a life.

00:14:29
And so, you know, he 100% Irish. You don't. And lost his parents. Talk about how you felt. You drank it.

00:14:38
Oh, no, you know, Irish or kebab and whatever. You know, back in the day, nobody did. Right, right. And you know that. And that's, you know, part of the problem is that, you know, everybody's like, ah, this is what I did as a kid.

00:14:55
Right. I did this. Or, you know, like we talked about your tough love. Tough love to a dyslexic is tough death. Right.

00:15:03
You know, so that those. And that's why all, you know, a lot of these conversations are very new, right? Because do as I say, don't do as I do, right? My dad go buy me packed smokes, right? Going, you know, here's my note.

00:15:18
Go buy me two packs of Players, light regular. You know, here's. Go buy me case of spirits. We would never do that to our kids now, right? That's.

00:15:25
That's not how it works. So what was said and how things were said and done, you know, when you and I grew up, it's a different world now. It's a different world. Yeah. Yo, it's, you know, and go back to pop up.

00:15:40
Where I went with that is that he didn't talk about it. Right. You know, obviously, a guy like that who's been part of the war is like, you don't understand what. What that all means, you know, until you've been there. And I haven't been there.

00:15:55
I've got a lot of friends and I spent a lot of time with them and a PTSD and, you know, things like that. So we can never. So not surprising. He drank it. Not talked about at all.

00:16:08
Right. Where the generation was right? Now, I mean, this is how I grew up. This is, you know, drinking the holes in the front lawn, and now you can' and, you know, cell phones and ride your bike. Be back before dark.

00:16:25
Right? Obviously, things are different, and this part of this is, too. But different is. It is what it is. You can't.

00:16:34
You want to compare good or bad, whatever, it really is what it is. You can't. You're not going to change it. But the way you change things is understanding.

00:16:46
Yes. So true. You know, and I repeat myself with relatability. Right. You know, I remember when we.

00:16:53
When you first started stalking me and, you know, wedding crashers, Stage five. Clinger Stage five. Okay. How. Get out here.

00:17:06
Stage five. So now you're just gonna pepper that and everything. But, you know, there's. There's words I always said, and you're like, you know, relatability is one of them, right? Yo.

00:17:18
Yeah. How many people have, you know, in our time together that we. How did Brent do that? How did he talk. My kid and I always make.

00:17:25
Make a joke. I talked dyslexic. No. You know, we understand each other. It's.

00:17:31
It's little things. It's relatability. It's the understanding if you don't understand yourself, meaning if you had ADHD or you have dyslexia or one. One of the five Ds. You'll never fully understand some.

00:17:48
Who. Who. Who has it. Right. So it's you.

00:17:54
We talk about this the way we do, and obviously, you know, you've come a long ways and you've learned a lot about. Now you can look back and put these p. You know, put these together and what your family did a few weeks ago and brought up more things, and you can heal and move on and grow without understanding. And it's so true. And that's.

00:18:19
So. It was like if. As you said, like, if you think about it, it's the boy that. Right. Is the troublemaker.

00:18:27
That was the ADHD kid when we were growing up. And you didn't hear the word, but, like, it was always like. Yeah. And I was always put with them. It was like.

00:18:36
Even though. Even back then when I wasn't. But it was like, okay. I always with. Was with the trouble making boys.

00:18:43
And it's because I. I was more of the talkative. So, like, I wasn't. I didn't disrupt in the same way as a. I guess some of the boys in my class, but I was always in trouble for talking, not paying attention, and not doing what I was supposed to be doing.

00:18:57
Well, that's why you get that hat off. I need attention.

00:19:02
I like attention. Okay. Not need attention. I like attention. But, you know, now let's.

00:19:07
Is it easier to diagnose or see one of us? 100%.

00:19:15
So in. In. You know, in. In a sense, it was easier for you being, you know, being. Yeah.

00:19:21
Being recognized that way. And I'll. And I'll explain, you know, elaborate on that. Right. Does any of it.

00:19:28
Any of that easier? No, but that's easier than being the girl. That's why it's a miss Night. The number one misdiagnosing. Right.

00:19:38
Sitting in that chair, daydreaming. Yep. We all have traumas, y' all Childhood traumas from. If you have one of the. If you have any learning disorders.

00:19:47
We have childhood traumas. And that doesn't necessarily mean everything. We all have bullied. We're all misunderstood.

00:19:59
And if you look back and, you know, kind of dig into a little bit of that conversation from. From Jersey that. That parent came in. Yeah. Talks about.

00:20:12
Oh, I can't say the word. So odd. Yeah. I'm not gonna even try to say no. Now you got me odd.

00:20:21
Oppositional defiance disorder. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that's like. Right.

00:20:27
40% so. And I love that you brought it up with the. With the girls, because that is. And this is where girls Then in teenage years, because a lot of times with hormones, it then you guys are crazy anyways. Exasperation.

00:20:43
And then when you have hormone fluctuations, as we've known, we've talked about in my perimenopause, when I realized what the fuck is happening, my ADD is all out of control. It's hormones, right? So those, those affect. And so if you're not aware of it, that's also where women run into things. Cause it's like, what's wrong with me?

00:21:01
What is, what's wrong? There's something wrong with me because this stuff is happening. So for a girl, especially girls with like, and I shouldn't say especially, but like high IQs, where people expect all these things, they put this pressure on themselves to be at this level because they're smart, they're, they're working really hard, they study for hours. We talk about the dyslexic, right, that gets the really good grades because they're working until, you know, five o' clock in the morning to make sure that they're ready for that test. Like those things are not normal.

00:21:32
Those things are not normal. And that comes with some of this. But what we're talking about, like, right, because you're, you become a perfectionist. Like as you said, there's no such thing as perfectionist. Why are you being a perfectionist?

00:21:43
It's because you know that you have to study a certain way and it's beautiful if you figure it out. But then you're putting so much work in, it's beautiful if you figure it out. I don't agree with that. At what cost? Well, right.

00:21:58
I was going to let you. Right. At what cost? And this is where if it's not caught and then you go to college and then you're like, I want to go, I want to go further on because I, this is, you know, I'm working hard, I'm working hard. And then that's where the pressure and then the self esteem and then the anxiety, the anxiety comes and that's where then the stuffing and then possibly the drinking and possibly the drugs.

00:22:20
That's where it really can go because it's like you're trying to maintain and hold it all together and then obviously not all of us can hold it together. No, no one can hold it together all the time. You, you, you, you crack. You crack. Exactly.

00:22:33
You, you crack and you blow up. And when does that happen? So for a girl, and we'll keep, you know, kind of posted on this, but we have some things that we're dealing with in the house again, which is all great because we're, we have understanding and recognition. But I remember my sister Elizabeth, you know, when she was diagnosed with the hypo, the add, you know, the daydreaming, and she's like, oh my gosh. Yes.

00:22:59
Like she. And she also has all the other Ds except dyspraxia. You know, the pressure she put on herself. And we talked about this where if a teacher called her for reading out loud, that would have crushed her. She would have went inside and like, yes.

00:23:15
Did it crush me in a certain way? Yes. But I still stood up for myself. Yelled at the teacher, was like, go yourself. Right.

00:23:21
And ran down. That's a different. And that's just. Those are just two different people. But if you think about a girl that is constantly trying to stay ahead of herself, trying to keep up, trying to do.

00:23:37
And especially if there's no. I mean, not especially, but there's also ADD with no learning disabilities. That's the other thing. I mean, there's some, some people just have adhd. It's a processing thing.

00:23:46
And, and so it doesn't also, they're like, well, you're really good in school, but again, how hard are you working behind the scenes? Yeah. If. To maintain it. You know, if somebody's working and you know, somebody always said, oh, you know, he's, you know, he or she's a hard worker.

00:24:03
Studying. Get. Okay, yo. Let's just say yo. Somebody's normal.

00:24:11
Normal cred is working or studying two hours. We're studying six now. That's an extra four hours of stress, anxiety, trauma based.

00:24:33
So it's. Oh, he or she's such a hard worker. There's a very fine line being between working smart and trauma.

00:24:50
Yep. And you've got people, you know, like myself for hockey. You know, I think I was the only person in professional hockey never take a nap. Right. Figured out a couple years ago that why I didn't do it.

00:25:05
The more tired I was, you know, but that was. The less it worked. Right. You know, so it's. You had some people that have.

00:25:15
That are trying to keep everything in tight. They try and keep everything, you know, as you said when you had kids, everything. You're so, so regiment controlled. Yeah. I got my, I got control of it right now.

00:25:27
If I let go of a crack of it, I don't know. I don't know if I'd ever get it back on that. You know, in our head. We don't know if we can get that Back. Yep.

00:25:37
Same thing as, you know, in the addiction world, right? You know, have one sip of alcohol, or if you're alcoholic, you may never come back. So we, you get the Desperate Housewives, right? Picket fence, you know, everything is perfect. Everything's perfect.

00:25:56
I feel sorry for them, Right? Yeah. Because trying to live like that isn't fun. They put on a face, right? Yo, that's, that's not fun.

00:26:13
Yeah. And it's, you know, and, and it's so, it's, it's so interesting because when you say that, it's like, so I, where I raised the kids, it was very white picket fenced, and I didn't care if my kids, I let my kids dress themselves. I was like, you guys take a. It was. My kids were all kindergarten with no underwear.

00:26:31
They called home. Penelope never, right? She never. Boys never. Right?

00:26:36
I was like, you guys dress yourself. I don't care if you mismatch. And, and it's interesting thing, it was more on their schedules that I was so tightly wound. Like, the nap schedule, the time for bed. Like, this is dinner.

00:26:48
This is like, oh, we're in our routine. This is like, we read books. Is. Oh, my God, I was so routine. And as I said, Hahn and I just recently talked about this, and he said he's like, it was really hard for him.

00:26:58
He's like, I. But I knew that you, I couldn't change it because I knew then you, it wouldn't have been okay for you. Like, you wouldn't have been able to adjust. And so it was like, this is how you have to be. And I want to go back to the odds.

00:27:12
Oh, yeah, we skipped over that. Yeah. No, we didn't. I, I, I was gonna get back. Don't you, don't you worry?

00:27:17
Because it was saying that 40% of kids with, with ADHD also are diagnosed with ODD. And you said something back in the day and a lot of times, and so this is what I want people to understand. This is our theory. We are not saying that this is. But our theories.

00:27:36
If you really think about them and then and, and watch and change your mindset, they're usually right. Yeah. Look at you. But really, I mean, really. Oh, you don't have to tell me.

00:27:50
No, I don't. You're like, no, I know this. But seriously, they really are. If you really stop and think about it and lay it out and it makes sense. If you just let your mind be like, okay, this is what we're taught in the medical world.

00:28:05
This is what we're taught in the education world, here's reality. This is what we're talking about. Is there reality of it? The reality of it. And our theories go hand in hand.

00:28:16
So this. I was talking to a woman. She was saying her daughter also had odd. And. And she was saying what.

00:28:23
What a tough time they're in right now. They're teenager. She's a teenager. And I said to her, and this is something you brought up. And I was like, that makes so much sense.

00:28:31
And you're right. Like, I never thought of it that way really. Probably. Maybe it's crossed my mind, but I never stopped to really, like, dissect it.

00:28:41
Is. There's an odd. Is an anger. Right. And when you're a child that, you know that things are different all the time.

00:28:50
Like, you know, early on, we. We've broken down kids. Like, you know, there's something different if you're the kid. Myself, that. Right.

00:28:59
Was constantly told, oh, and I wasn't constantly told, but in school, like, oh, quiet down. Stop doing this, stop doing that. You're. You get pissed. Right?

00:29:07
As I said, I. I yelled at the teacher, right? So they might have diagnosed me with ODD back then. I really wasn't doing other things, but, like. But that's because of things that keep happening.

00:29:18
That then that person is like, well, wait a second. This doesn't feel right. And no one's listening to me. No one is seeing me, and no one's here to help me. And that, I think, is a really big thing.

00:29:29
You're a little kid in school, whether you have any of the five Ds, but we're talking about ADHD right now. So you're that kid, either the daydreamer or the kid that's, you know, off the walls. And you're constantly being told how annoying you are, really. Or that you're not focusing and you're. Oh, my God.

00:29:47
Kids can feel when people don't like them. Like, it's. It's not a. Kids can feel it. They can feel when a teacher doesn't like them, when a parent's frustrated with them.

00:29:56
We, you know, we know people through the foundation. Like, you can see when a mom is like, oh, my God, my kids are driving me crazy. Those kids can feel it. And what they do is they then attach to more and they don't know that they're doing it, but then they attach to you more and get under your feet more and annoy you more. And it's like, so these kids are being told all the time, or they're Feeling that they're less than, they're not enough.

00:30:19
They're annoying. Go ahead. No, it's. It's a, you know, a safe place. Yo, they don't have it right.

00:30:28
They.

00:30:30
Kids just want to be loved right and understood. And yo, if you're that not. If you're not that at school, then you're gonna be that anymore in home. And if you're that, if you're not that at home, things are gonna get expedited and they're gonna get worse.

00:30:57
You know, Is that a divorce going on at home? Is that not a good relationship? Is that a single parent home? Like there's, there's so many things that, that come into play, but the kid just wants to be loved.

00:31:13
And you know, when they don't have that place, you know, for me who's going to school is eight hours a day in that electric chair. It was awful. So to come home and not have that same, you know, not. Not have that love and understanding at home, those wheels just keep spinning and they get deeper and then that's when odd Oppositional defiance disorder comes into play. When good, well done.

00:31:50
Yeah, I have to think about that. Is, you know, I think it's, you know, it's a made up term in my mind is there's no, there's change. They're not happy. Yeah. Kids pissed off.

00:32:06
Did his friend down the street move? Did parents get divorced? Did you know grandpa, grandma died? Like what? There's something there.

00:32:20
So it's handling the situation better, understanding it better. You know, I had, you know, I had a kid that I was coaching a number of years ago. Susie. Parents told me that day what was going on. Told my coaching staff, this is how we handle, you know, parents got divorced.

00:32:43
Now they're both remarried and both have another kid. A lot of things were going on. Kid. Yo, they got diagnosed with odd. So what I did was I changed every.

00:32:54
All our coaching staff, you know, was positive. Everything was positive. Everything was positive. Everything is positive. First half of the year, whatever it was, was we're having a lot of problems with them.

00:33:04
As soon as we turn the other way. Kid went like, yes, took off because you understood him and you met him and you made him feel seen and heard and like that his emotions were okay. Right. And you know, we didn't really have any more emotions because we didn't. Because he felt in a place where he didn't need them.

00:33:29
Almost, you know, he foreign. It's just a scream for, you know, me, look at me, love me. They're not feeling loved, they're feeling hurt.

00:33:47
And then the longer you go, the worse it gets. And then, and, and you were saying that, you know, when you're in Jersey, Hank, was it Princeton, you said. Yeah, teenage now is really tough. Yeah. Because it's been a long.

00:34:07
You have teenage years of teenagers you just pissed off in general. Oh, my God. Then. Yeah. Then top on being a girl.

00:34:14
Jesus, you guys are whack jobs anyways. And then add that in. So you got. Yo, if the girl's 16, you've got 15 years of the kid being, you know, first year. All you're doing is sleeping, sucking on mommy's breasts.

00:34:39
Yummy. And diapers. Diapers. So 15 years of traumas, and then now you put them as a teenager. Yeah, yeah.

00:34:52
And think of us as parents. Go ahead, finish. No, I could go on both. You know, it's. Again, understanding.

00:35:04
That's all the kid. That's all we all want to do. We talk about this every day on here is understanding. If you can understand your son or daughter, if you can be there to advocate for your son and daughter. You can't advocate for your son and daughter, you know, if you don't understand.

00:35:19
And you've got a lot of now, you know, here in the US With Department Ed and, you know, they're trying to, you know, the public system and privates and parents know best.

00:35:35
I'm not sure about that.

00:35:39
Right. And think about. And here's the thing. We're not saying, like, we know so many parents are holding on by a thread. Right?

00:35:48
We understand that. And so when you have multiple kids or a kid is out of sorts, I mean, you know, just even having three, two years apart, you know, if someone's out of sorts, everything's out of sorts. So then if, like, another kid falls out of line, you're like, oh, my God. Right. And you don't really have time or patience to be like, okay, let me, let me figure this out, what's going on.

00:36:11
However, if you do, it actually can solve so many problems in the long run, and it's hard to stop. I've been in it. I know. I, you know, I'm so. Again, we're not calling anyone out saying anyone's done anything wrong, because we're all doing the best that we can.

00:36:27
But if we can give you a little tools just to be like, well, wait a second. Because one of the things. And I've talked to multiple parents, you know, with kids that are elementary school age, and they're like, yeah, the, the teachers are saying that they need to be medicated. And it's like, oh my God, it's because the teachers can't handle it. And this is what they're supposed to do.

00:36:47
I, I, and again, I, I, I don't want to be a teacher because that would, I don't want, that is a big job. And when you have multiple kids and behavior problems, as we talk about, there's no such thing as behavior problems. There's no such thing as the bully, class clown, the kid that wants to. They're looking for attention, and we need to find out why they're looking for attention. Is it they're struggling at school?

00:37:12
Is there something going on at home? Is there something going on in school? You know, socially, there's so many different things. And that kid is just being like, okay, no one cares. No one cares.

00:37:24
No one's, no one cares that I'm acting out, right? They're going to put a label and then be more strict. And that doesn't help because then you're extra pissed off. Especially if you're a fiery personality. We just talked about it.

00:37:37
If you're a fiery personality, it's really hard just to be like, okay, I'm just gonna sit and take it, you know? So we have to take all that in account. Now, for a teacher, that's really hard, Especially a teacher that has their own families and you're dealing with that takes a very special person and it's not easy. But the more that we can meet that kid and find out what is going on and let them know we understand and we, we hear them and we see them and we feel them, the less of this is going to happen. I mean, if we think about it now, they say, oh, there's so many more kids having so much more issues.

00:38:14
Well, let's look at it. Why? It's not because social media and the phones, like, come on, like, yeah, maybe that, that for some kids that's a problem, but it's, it's, it's the fact that so many people are hurting and suffering and trying to survive and these kids are getting shoved under a rug. And I don't buy all that social media, yo, and cell phones, now they're trying to ban cell phones in certain schools, you know, in places that ain't gonna, that's only gonna make things worse.

00:38:53
Everything in life is self esteem, right? You know, so now if you take a look at it, adults are in the worst shape they've ever been, right? And how many, whatever percentage there aren't Getting help from them. Right. So who's it fall upon?

00:39:15
Kids. Right? Yeah. So kids are in the worst shape that they've ever been. Is it cell phones?

00:39:21
Absolutely not. Is it social media? Absolutely not. They want to point fingers at all that. That ain't gonna change.

00:39:28
That ain't gonna change it. It's self esteem right now. If the parents are in worse shape, who's it fall on? Kids are so. Kids are too smart for their own good.

00:39:40
Yep. Way too smart for their own good. And this is what we're talking about right now is kids know when they're not liked. They know when they don't fit in. You know, you take a look at the behavior.

00:39:51
Take a look what I did for. For hockey, you know, no naps. Like, I didn't know why until a couple of years ago. So I was like 45 years old. I did it at pro hockey for 18 years.

00:40:02
I didn't know why. You just figure out ways to do it. You don't know why. Like, is. Is it structured?

00:40:10
Like you're structured? You knew you did it this way. You don't know why. You didn't know why, did you? Until just recently?

00:40:16
No. Yeah. Now, until we were having these conversations, I was like, oh, my God, that makes so much sense. That's why. Because I didn't want it.

00:40:24
Because I'm all or nothing. It would have been a free for all. Free for all or it was structured. My kids were very well behaved, really good kids, because they took their naps, they were very consistent, they ate good food. But I could have had it where like, now they always laugh at me because they're like, God, you're like, so not strict anymore.

00:40:40
And I'm like, yeah, because I did my job then. Now it's your. Your time to, like, step up, you know? And that's, That's. That's so we.

00:40:49
We know we're. We are different. We know we don't fit in. We know we're not like. We know that we don't connect.

00:40:56
We know all these things at a young age. We may not know what all that means until later. And that's why we. That's why we always have. That's why we have these conversations there.

00:41:12
Kids are way too smart for their own good. They know they don't connect. They know they don't have friends. They don't. They don't.

00:41:19
Can't read. They don't. They're not sharing. They know all these things. They don't know why.

00:41:25
And they're searching for it. Yep. And that they can't focus and that they can't pay attention and the teacher's talking and they're thinking of something else now. And don't ask a parent, just tell me what you see.

00:41:40
Don't do that. Don't do that. So. And yes, I think attention has gotten worse attention spans because of tech and high speed things. Yes.

00:41:50
And I do think that there are like maybe if someone's on their phone for 24 hours a day, days a week, that it does do something a little bit to their brain. So I'm not saying like I agree with you, but don't agree with you on certain things. But the problems that are in schools are not because of cell phones. Maybe the kids attention spans are a little shorter because it's like everything's a little faster. But we just need to also pick things up and change the way that we're teaching.

00:42:16
Like that's, this is evolution. Right? Right now. Right. But how good does it feel to get that answer now?

00:42:27
So good. Try finding and never getting the answer. I know.

00:42:34
Oh my God, I love that you just said that. So again, I, I'll fight back on, on, on, on, on all that. Right? Yeah. As a kid, first struggling, if we can get the answer by a text, by googling something, finding it out, how good does that feel?

00:42:54
Self esteem. I found the answer instead of having to go look through the dictionary encyclopedia. Oh my God. Right? Oh, you know, so there's so much that goes with, with all that.

00:43:09
Right? It's right. Yes. Can you scroll on like all the videos and tick tock and all? Yes.

00:43:18
You know, and watch and laugh, you know, and laugh and, and find out different things. You're consuming information. Right. You didn't get it, you know, as a kid you never, you know, we never got it right. Yo, I remember when I first came to the US when I turned pro when I was like 19, I bought some CDs and I came back and I was 20 years old that time and I'm playing them.

00:43:47
They hadn't made it to the Canada yet. People are like, what is this? You know, I've got CDs. Yes, CDs. And I just had to throw a bunch away.

00:43:57
I found my, I found all my CDs. Okay. That's a whole nother story. Oh, you didn't sit in there and play them and cry, reminisce. But it's that information hadn't gotten to Canada yet.

00:44:09
Those songs hadn't got to Canada. It was, you know, we're six or eight months behind. Right. So that isn't there like they've got more information. It's accessible now.

00:44:24
AI they're finding ways. They're finding ways around it. Is the phone cause problem. Yeah. Do they have the social means?

00:44:34
We. No, they don't need to. That's not how the world's built now. Right. But it all comes down to feeling good about like Elizabeth, she scrolls on her phone, she finds this deal for 10.99 an Amazon.

00:44:48
She's like, yeah, this thing's awesome. Instead of going spe 40 bucks or 50 bucks at. No. At Costco Self Esteem. Yep.

00:44:59
No, And I, and I do hear because I have this argument with people because I do agree also. It's like there's. If the kid's not doing anything else is what I'm talking about. And they're just holed up and they're just doing that like, and maybe not watching the like good, happy good stuff, like depressive stuff. Like, you know, that's what I'm talking about.

00:45:17
Yeah, I know. You know, hold up is one thing is because guess what, how many of us are holed up because you don't connect. You don't have that person, you don't have that friend. Right. No kid is ever holed up if they have connections.

00:45:30
Exactly. No. A hundred percent. And I think what you're saying is also again, for parents to stop and think because we all do. Like, if you think, I mean, this is what's so crazy.

00:45:45
If you think of all the science. Like, you should be eating more wheat. Oh, wait, wheat's bad for you. You should be doing this. Oh, wait, that's bad for you.

00:45:54
There's always something that is bad for us that we have been doing because it was. We were told to. And this is what I laugh every single time I'm like, oh, wait, now it's not good to have two glasses of red wine. They told you to do that for your heart, right? And then all of a sudden it starts and then, oh, one cup of coffee is really good for you.

00:46:09
Now it's not like you have to do what feels good for you and, and do, and I'm not going to say do it in moderation because I hate it when people would say that to me because I don't do anything in moderation. It's either all. But you have to, as you said, like if you can explore and do things that are good for your brain. So think about a kid sitting there that has this creative mind. They're totally attention deficit.

00:46:29
And they're made to sit in a chair and not move. Like no one should be doing that period. And the evolution of all of the tech and all the things that you just were talking about school is. Hasn't done any of that. And it's so mind boggling.

00:46:44
And then we're like oh wait. Kids are in the worst state of their lives. Yeah. Because everything else has moved on. Everything.

00:46:50
Tec. All of these things are so big now. But you're teaching them the same stupid that you were teaching us that we don't even need to know. Who the needs to know algebra? I don't know because unless you're a math teacher or like some of these sciences.

00:47:03
Yeah, they're interesting and great. But if you're not going to be a scientist, does it really matter if I know what rock is over there like by the earth moon? Who the cares And Christopher Columbus. All that shit's made up. Well now they right that they say that they're like they do right?

00:47:18
They made up. You tell me who saw Christopher Columbus. We don't we like you tell me where they wrote it on a rock. Like would they have ballpoint pens? You know lifelong by ballpoint pens.

00:47:33
And he came across and they kept this. This journal and the special safe that only had the code back in the 20th century. It's all. It's all made up. Up.

00:47:45
It's all made up because when. When do you guys think you guys evolved? Yo. I don't know what. What year did this country come about?

00:47:53
And don't don't ask me history. I don't either. I don't get right. Because who was around? I don't need to know.

00:47:59
Why do I need to. We had a chirping bird one grandma 1776. So who was around 1776?

00:48:09
Was there binder years with loose leaf? Like where did they write this? I love that Elizabeth just yelled that because my the 17. I did know that. Because you clearly did not.

00:48:19
I asked you the question. Yeah, I know but now that she just said it I was like oh right. I know from the songs. Not from history class. No, everybody knows this.

00:48:29
Yeah, I mean we're taught in school. It. Yeah, well I guess you probably weren't because you weren't taught when America. Well, I don't know what Canadians are doing. Who cares about what the what happened over there with the Greek islands.

00:48:44
I don't give a about the Greek islands in a 22 century A.D. what do you mean? How do you know Ada like Nobody's around. Right. But there are people that are fascinated.

00:48:54
I. I mean, some ant, like antiques and stuff, I think are interesting. Whatever. Now we're. Now we're having attention deficit moment.

00:49:00
No, no, we're not tense. We're. We're attention focused. And it's. Well, I want to talk about time blindness really quickly because that is.

00:49:12
Should we bring in a special guest I know who has it really over there? So time blindness is an actual thing. It's when we think that we can fit more things into the time. So I used to always be really early or really. Or five minutes late.

00:49:32
Like, I was never. No, I was never like the hour. But like, I would rush like a mad person and then have like. And I just did it recently when I was going to New Jersey. I was like, oh, my God, I haven't done this in a really long time, and I hate this feeling.

00:49:46
But this is how I used to live all the time. I used to live in a state of rushing all the time. And that was. That's my anxiety of showing up on time or late. Yeah.

00:50:02
Again, for me, obviously, why I grew up is, you know, my dad was like, if you're not 15 minutes or you. You know. But it was. I was always that kid, right? The dumb kid.

00:50:16
Right. The lazy kid. You know, as a teacher. Dumb, stupid, lazy. Three words, teacher I always use.

00:50:22
Right. So if I'm already that. You. If you're already that kid, now you're showing up late. Now you're even more that kid.

00:50:31
You. You spend your life trying to blend in, not stand out. Right? And I used to run into rooms late, and then you stand out even more. Right.

00:50:43
You know, it's like you're walking into the room with a big drum on your chest. Right. Here I am. Right. You know, and, you know, there's facts related for a party is one thing, but when you're walking into a room, a meeting, we spend our lives trying to fit in, and every time we're late, it just takes us back to all those days and we didn't.

00:51:14
Yeah. So I. Like, that is still something that I work on all the time. Because it is. I.

00:51:20
I have no. I have zero sense. And I think this is also part of dyscalculia. Like, I have zero sense of time. I have like.

00:51:31
I don't know what you can do in an hour versus, like, I will even be like, oh, I can get there and get back. And I have to check with Hahn a lot of times to be like, is it. Am I And he's like, no. He's like, that's like three hours. I was like, oh, I thought I could do that in an hour.

00:51:43
Okay. Damn it. But, like, even traveling, I'm like, okay, I have all these trips coming up. I can do all this. And I literally went to go, and I was like, you know what?

00:51:51
I'm gonna. I need to sit with him, because I think I can fit a thousand things into a very short time and. Or I go the other way, where it's like, oh, wait, now I can't. Well, no, I actually could. One of the things podcasting had got has gotten me way better.

00:52:08
Like, the sense of what five minutes is, because I used to rush when I had guests. When I did my first podcast, I remember I would rush and be like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, wait, I still have five minutes. Okay.

00:52:17
And then I' would sit and wait, and five minutes is actually. You can get a lot done in five minutes. So I've gotten way better. But I'm also 51. Just happened the last couple years, so.

00:52:29
But that is a huge attention deficit thing, being disorganized. Even though I am organized in my own disorganization, I know where everything is, but I need to have everything out the second it goes into a drawer. That's Elizabeth's. Always like, yeah, I always got to pull out fruits or vegetables and put them on the counter for you to eat them. Yeah.

00:52:51
I don't. If I don't see it. Right. I'm not totally. I've, you know, me sweaters, I've been like, oh, that's where that sweater was.

00:52:59
I folded and put it into a drawer. It was gone. Bills. Forget it. If the bill is not sitting on the counter, that bill is gone.

00:53:08
If it's not on my desk, if it is in a drawer, it is gone. And I have tried my entire life. So even, like, in college, desks and all of these things like that. And I can live with piles. Like, it doesn't stress me where there's a lot of.

00:53:24
I know a lot of women that are like, oh, my God, I hate piles. I hate anything out. I'm. Even if the blender goes underneath the cabinet, I don't. I'll shake my.

00:53:32
My shake instead of blending it, because I'm like, oh, I. I forget about it. And it's not always fun, but it is what it is. It's. It's understanding.

00:53:44
Yeah, Right. I understand that. So I am. So I don't beat myself up about it, but. And play to it.

00:53:51
Yes. Not play against it. Right. But that's also where relationships and partnerships come in. Because if you have a partner that doesn't understand that and it doesn't live like that, that's where arguments and people say, oh, attention deficit people are so difficult to live with.

00:54:06
No, they just have a certain way that they have to function. And for others, well, if it's not like. And we can say the opposite way too. Right. Somebody who doesn't have ADHD is hard to live with.

00:54:16
Right. It's the understanding. Okay. Obviously Hahn doesn't have it. You know, now you understand like, you understand what, how his brain works and what he needs.

00:54:28
He understands like, if you don't have that, that's when you're butting heads. Right? Yep. Yo, listen, obviously Elizabeth and I both have it. We're.

00:54:37
We have 7,322 projects going on at once. Right. But we have, but we understand it. Right. So it's, it goes back to the understanding, the relatability.

00:54:48
If you don't understand, if you don't understand yourself, how's your spouse supposed to understand you? Yep. And you talked about, you know, it's, you know, some women, anxiety, they have piles. Right. Okay.

00:55:03
If that's is fine with them, but is their significant other understand it? Right. So if they put the pile away, does that the other person up? Right. So it has to be like.

00:55:14
Yeah, that's where the understanding and the communication. But communication, where you're not just talking, you're also understanding the person on the other side is understanding what you're saying. That's what communication is. And you got to understand yourself before you can understand.

00:55:30
And that's what all this is, is. That's why we talk about it. Yo, you can advocate for your kid if you understand them. Odd does come into play if you understand them a billion percent. So double check that I.

00:55:47
This is where I wanna. Yeah, I'm gonna leave it at that. We could go on and on, on. And we're not going to. So.

00:55:57
Thank you for listening to another episode of word blindness. Dyslexia exposed the attention deficit episode. So if you have questions on this or want more answers, reach out because we are more experts because we live it every day. Don't forget to like, rate, review and share. You don't know who needs to hear this.