S4E20: Navigating the Nervous System - Parenting and Meditation Insights

In this engaging conversation, Juliet Hahn and Brent delve into the importance of understanding and managing the nervous system, particularly in children. They discuss the challenges of meditation, especially for those with ADHD, and how early exposure to calming techniques can benefit kids. Juliet shares her personal journey with meditation and how it has evolved over time, while Brent emphasizes the need for a realistic approach to teaching these concepts to children. They explore the generational differences in parenting styles and the significance of fostering self-awareness in both parents and children to promote mental health and emotional stability. The dialogue also touches on the societal pressures surrounding mental health, the importance of understanding individual experiences, and the necessity of creating a supportive environment for children to express their feelings. They conclude with practical advice for parents on how to encourage self-reflection and emotional growth in their children, highlighting that healing and understanding are ongoing processes that require patience and self-compassion.

 

Chapters

 

00:00 Introduction and Technical Issues

01:06 Exploring Meditation and the Nervous System

03:32 The Importance of Teaching Mindfulness to Children

06:57 Generational Differences in Parenting Styles

19:23 Self-Awareness and Mental Health

23:40 Practical Tips for Enhancing Self-Awareness

28:51 Conclusion: The Legacy of Healthy Parenting

 

Transcript:

00:00:07:01 - 00:00:13:02

Unknown

So today I wanted to ask you a thousand questions.

 

00:00:13:04 - 00:00:35:21

Unknown

Like how I respond to everybody who starts with that ass and you get one question or one and done, just like Elizabeth wanted to be one and done on our first date. Judging. Look at you, Mr. Comedian. So I know we've talked about the chalkboards and the nervous system and all these different things, and I've really been diving into always have had knowledge of them.

 

00:00:35:23 - 00:00:59:18

Unknown

But I always was the person that said, oh, I can't meditate. I have to walk to meditate. I can't just sit there. Which is still true. I can't really just sit there with nothing, without being guided. But now there is like music, certain music I can do. And it's like the most relaxing. It is so addicting that I actually am like, I could meditate all day.

 

00:00:59:18 - 00:01:19:06

Unknown

This is. It's the best feeling when your nervous system is calm and your mind is clear. It is like an absolute addiction. So it got me thinking because obviously I have three kids and I've tried a tiny bit being like, hey Guy! And they're like, oh, I don't like your face right now because, you know, you I was your kids.

 

00:01:19:06 - 00:01:37:00

Unknown

I would tell your mom, go fuck yourself right now. Oh, totally. Well, I know, but this is I literally have had this face and they're like, you've read something and you're going to know I'm not in the mood. And I'm like, damn it. Okay, so I know it's not their time, which I am. It wasn't my time when people told me I had to write.

 

00:01:37:00 - 00:02:02:22

Unknown

And so I'm very aware of that. And I'm not one that I will gently, lightly talk about it. But I'm not someone that's going to be like, no, you have to do it. I don't I'm not a facade. However, it got me thinking about kids with dyslexia, ADHD, all these different things. And I was thinking to myself when I was a kid, if I knew how to stabilize my nervous system, I wonder how interesting that would have been.

 

00:02:02:22 - 00:02:32:12

Unknown

And so my question to you is, do you think that's something that should be tried, like should be taught an earlier age to all kids? So are you referencing your. And meditating is, is is that what we're referencing here or. Because that question is very broad. There's a lot of different answers to that. So I know I'm talking about just settling your.

 

00:02:32:14 - 00:02:54:19

Unknown

Well, I'm talking about settling focusing on settling the nervous system, how we talk about mental health. And, you know, early on settling your nervous system. There's many different things you can do instead of numbing. You know, I think our generation, we were taught more to numb. Oh, I'm drunk. This feels great because I can't remember I don't remember why am I nervous systems all the time.

 

00:02:55:00 - 00:03:25:00

Unknown

I go back to numbing. Yes, but. So that's the thing that that's my question. Do you think that it's something that should be taught to kids earlier, or do you think. Well, I'm just asking, you know, so to, to bell to, to fully, Understand the nervous system obviously now, you know, you always say, you say, you know, the older you get, the wise you get, right.

 

00:03:25:04 - 00:03:56:23

Unknown

You understand more so wise. Wow. I'm just gonna leave that one alone. Understanding. The understanding is what dictates everything. So can you, talk about meditating? Yes, but the problem I have with meditating, you know, you know, when I was there, they tried, you know, in rehab. Oh, yeah. You got to meditate for 20 years. Well, okay.

 

00:03:56:23 - 00:04:24:20

Unknown

When I was born, I wasn't running. I wasn't walking, just like you're not going to start meditating and start a 20 minutes. It may have to start at a minute. So it all comes down with was how it's taught. You know, just like hockey. When I was coaching, everybody had everybody wants to go 1 to 10, 100%.

 

00:04:24:20 - 00:04:45:21

Unknown

And I think, you know, on this, I'm always I always try to, you know, like the words you use the real it's you know, it's just the reality. You can't go 1 to 10. If you go 1 to 10, you're falling on your face. So I think it's is it good to talk about it in your and, and teach.

 

00:04:45:23 - 00:05:10:10

Unknown

Yeah. No problem. Earlier you get to better. You can get it right. But you really don't know what your nervous system is or what you're trying to relax at a really young age, right? You know, do you do you truly do you even have an a nervous system? You do. But I'm just didn't you know in talking preferences, do you do you really have nervous system when you're five you're not going to sit there.

 

00:05:10:12 - 00:05:45:12

Unknown

Right. And when you were five you're 35. Where are you going to sit there. Not bounce off, you know. So I think the conversations about it just like anything else, the younger you're exposed to it, the easier it will get. You get you to do it. When you have some understanding. But it's it's a way it's it's brought to you, you force anything down anybody's throat, you like, doesn't, you know, it doesn't work or no matter what you're talking about, you know, school, you're talking about, you're talking about whatever you want to talk about.

 

00:05:45:14 - 00:06:15:18

Unknown

You force things on people. Yeah. You're usually going to rebel for a long time. They may never not stop rebelling. So it's you're talking about it. I think the the, the more you talk about it, around them, not to them. Yeah. Okay. I love that you just like I remember, you know, my kids, you know, I had no idea how to play hockey.

 

00:06:15:20 - 00:06:35:19

Unknown

Joe. Call you ask them. You know, I think I'm. I'm one of 1500 ever to do it. Do what I did when the company, you know, in the world. But I got no idea what I'm doing that, you know, because I'm dad, right? You know, kids, turn off what Mom and dad say directly to them at a certain age.

 

00:06:35:21 - 00:06:49:13

Unknown

But if they can hear you talk about, you know, in your house, your your brothers or you and down or whatever, they're hearing these conversations, they're taking more in.

 

00:06:49:15 - 00:07:11:11

Unknown

That way. And then telling them they need to do this or do this. No, I love that. And I love how you preference that because and the reason why I got also was thinking, you know, how when we were growing up, it was very much parents were kind of hand off, hands off more. Right. That you didn't really talk about feelings.

 

00:07:11:11 - 00:07:36:19

Unknown

And now I know all different cultures and different things were different, but it was kind of like, you, you're out. I mean, we talked about feelings, but then, you know, you know, to, to to that, you know, did they know what feelings were back then and what we know now? No, that's the thing. Like I look at parents and, you know, when my kids were little and then there was I mean, I don't I guess it's the millennials but I don't, I don't I'm not one that likes to group people together.

 

00:07:36:23 - 00:07:55:18

Unknown

But you would be around a parent that would be talking to their kid. And I remember being like, oh yeah, that's so annoying. If I was that kid, I'd be like, fuck off. You'd be like, I see that you're getting upset. I think it's time to take three breaths, right? And I'd be like, oh my God. But there was this different flow that you could.

 

00:07:55:19 - 00:08:13:00

Unknown

It wasn't about spanking, right? It wasn't about the hard love. It wasn't about the punishment. It was like timeouts. Right? You know, when my kids were little, it was like, you give timeouts and you talk it through. But then they took it even to a next level. And it was like, well, timeouts make them feel isolated and they don't know how to feel about their feelings.

 

00:08:13:00 - 00:08:28:23

Unknown

So you need to talk about their feelings. And then the books came out that it was like, Sal, you know, I think there was like a hit, the hitting hamster. And I remember laughing because my kids brought it home because they were not my kids were not hitters, thank goodness, but they brought it home because they were like, mom, look, this is like blah, blah blah in the class.

 

00:08:28:23 - 00:08:45:14

Unknown

We keep reading it and it's like it's a hamster getting pissed and just walloping and hitting someone. So the teacher would say, okay, Johnny, it seems like you're getting annoyed. Why don't you sit and take three breaths? And I would laugh. I'd be like, if I was Johnny, then I would punch the teacher and the kid like, that would piss me off so much.

 

00:08:45:16 - 00:09:04:22

Unknown

So it really got me thinking of like we talk about so many different things as dyslexics and being super aware of our emotions and our feelings, you know, but not knowing how to express that and talking to parents about, you know, their kids, these are some signals that maybe something's going on and you want to have a deeper conversation.

 

00:09:04:22 - 00:09:22:20

Unknown

And then I fast forward also to my kids, and I laugh because I'm so into this meditating now. And, you know, the last number of years with yoga and I did I was talking to someone I brought them to last, not this past summer or the summer before. So they were younger. I brought them to this deep breath work.

 

00:09:22:20 - 00:09:38:06

Unknown

I brought my mom. It was her birthday and I was like, I haven't done it yet, we're going to do it. And I literally was telling someone that I brought my mom and my three kids, and literally that way it was like deep, like I was hysterical crying. There's people like having, like crying. And I was like, what's going on?

 

00:09:38:08 - 00:09:56:08

Unknown

And I was laughing in my head because I was like, oh my God, where are the kids? In my mom? So I was telling someone this and they're like, you brought your teenagers? And I was like, yes. And the funniest thing was, as we're leaving Montgomery, who's my, you know, our oldest. But for anyone that hasn't listened to this, he literally goes, oh my God, that was so gross.

 

00:09:56:08 - 00:10:20:19

Unknown

It was like, oh, everyone's breath. I'm not. I'm breathing in everyone else's breath because you literally are like going, it's like this pattern, but you're almost doing it. So you, you almost passed out. But basically it's resetting your nervous system and bringing up traumas. So I had like, I had a pretty cool experience. Penelope happened to be in between two people that were literally having like an episode.

 

00:10:20:21 - 00:10:38:09

Unknown

I could hear them and I was like in my head thinking, oh shit, she's in between them. This is going to be interesting. My mom and Truman and Montgomery with back now. Truman, who's like, he goes, that was kind of cool. I had this, like sensation through my body. He's like, it was really weird, but, like, I actually feel really good afterwards.

 

00:10:38:09 - 00:10:50:03

Unknown

And I was like, oh, dude, you had the same sensation. He's like, this went this one. I'm like, oh, that's what happened to me. And he's like, and I think I got like a like it was like weird. I was having like a little emotions, but that was like, I don't ever want to do that again. But that was interesting.

 

00:10:50:07 - 00:11:08:19

Unknown

Montgomery was like, I can't believe you brought us. That was disgusting. All I kept thinking is everyone's germs going in my body. Penelope looked at me and was like, I, what the fuck is wrong with you? And what was happening to the people around me? That was the weirdest fucking thing. And I looked at my mom and she was like that.

 

00:11:08:19 - 00:11:25:12

Unknown

And I go, mom, we did it for your birthday. And then I got pissed because I was trying to do it to make her. It was this whole thing. My whole point is, I should not have brought my teenagers, nor my mom, and that experience backfired in my face. So any time I'm like, hey, do you guys want to do this?

 

00:11:25:12 - 00:11:46:01

Unknown

They're like, is it going to be like that breathing thing right? Oh, it's not. Now we can laugh about it. But Dan was like, no, I'm not doing the breathing thing with you. I've heard about the breathing things, so no one will ever do it because I fucked up. I didn't think about it. So I'm thinking, like when I was a kid and I talked about this in the last podcast, I'm not going to go into it.

 

00:11:46:01 - 00:12:08:00

Unknown

But the first time I actually it was during swimming when I had this incredible meditation. Only time that I actually felt my nervous system relax and I never felt it again until the last couple years of me actually doing meditation, guided meditation, not the meditation that they have said I should try and all these different things. So it's like, as you, but what you said is perfect.

 

00:12:08:03 - 00:12:31:04

Unknown

You have to talk about it around, not throw it down anyone's throat, and then maybe someone will be like, yeah, that could be interesting. Would I would like to try it. But feeling safe and not forced and they've got to feel yo. Because now, you know you talked about generations obviously. You know our our generation was yeah spankings.

 

00:12:31:04 - 00:12:48:13

Unknown

Oh my god when that dog came out you know how many wooden spoons I never I did not I didn't I kept saying oh yeah. Yeah I did not get spanked. My parents did not spank. But I had friends that their parents spanked. My kids got spanked to and slapped across the head and that's where it was about that wreck.

 

00:12:48:15 - 00:13:00:21

Unknown

That's right. You know, and the problem that I have with now and, you know, you talk referencing, you know, the book and breathing is.

 

00:13:00:23 - 00:13:10:00

Unknown

Most people talk about mental health. Mental health has zero clue what they're saying. Right.

 

00:13:10:02 - 00:13:48:17

Unknown

No. There's people that everybody wants to have good mental who doesn't? Well, what? That what does that mean? How are you trying to get there. Do you even want to get that. You know some some people's traumas are just way too scary to go to with a lot of this. You know you talk about Your actions addiction a lot of addiction actions are trauma based.

 

00:13:48:18 - 00:14:11:16

Unknown

Some people can't go there. So. How people get to their mental health, you know, the best meds off. It's going to be different for everybody. That's why, you know, you you force things one way or the other. Left right, center. It might not be right for them. Let's talk about us dyslexic. Right. Oh, this is how you got to do it.

 

00:14:11:18 - 00:14:29:00

Unknown

You know, the people who don't have dyslexia. Oh, you. This is how you need your act. This is how you need to read. This isn't the idea. You even understand. Right? And what's it doing? It's creating worse mental health for us, right? Right. And it makes it. It makes things worse. Oh, you got to do this. You got to stand in front of class.

 

00:14:29:00 - 00:14:53:18

Unknown

You got to read out loud. You got to do this. You got to do right. What's that do to us? Makes things worse. So everybody's different, so you have to just lay it on a silver platter and let them be able to take it when, when they're time. It's, it's, you know, as kids, you know, you know, as parents, you wish you can go back and you could fix everything.

 

00:14:53:20 - 00:15:15:07

Unknown

But sometimes it's got to be there to pick them up when they skinny because they have to skin their day to not to, to to to understand. Right. It's you can talk about blue in the face and just example. Dad you got no idea how to play hockey, right? Because I was dad, right? Yeah, mom. You know, at some point in time, they just they shut it off because they're not are what you say.

 

00:15:15:07 - 00:15:40:20

Unknown

It is matter who you are. You know, you you can you know, you don't know, right? They just have to, you know, to pick that grape off that silver platter when they're ready. And the more open you are at a younger age talking about things so they can hear them, the earlier I believe that they'll be able to absorb it.

 

00:15:40:22 - 00:16:00:12

Unknown

Well and I think that's such a good point and it, and a lot of times as you said parents are not even in the spot to be able to do it. And I do think that there's also something you know when you're like, I do so much natural stuff with my kids and I know that there's going to be a period when they leave that they're going to be like, I'm doing opposite.

 

00:16:00:12 - 00:16:13:17

Unknown

And then they they probably will come back and maybe they won't completely do opposite. But that's just the nature of things. Like, as you said, when your parents are telling you all the time, this is what you need to do. You need to learn it yourself. You need to fall on your face to be like, okay, now I need to do it.

 

00:16:13:17 - 00:16:30:15

Unknown

You can't helicopter that every hour aspect of when you're raising your kids. Like I used to let them run free. I remember people being like ocean. They have the how much shouldn't they do this? I can't believe your daughter's at the top of the tree. That if she fell, she would die. I'm like, what? No, she's climbing a tree.

 

00:16:30:15 - 00:16:46:15

Unknown

Why? I'm not going to helicopter every moment that they do. Because they have to learn and that that's where they get confidence when you give them the abilities. But so I loved what you said about just talking about it around. But again, it goes back to I, you know, people used to say all the time meditating so good.

 

00:16:46:15 - 00:17:00:03

Unknown

I read about it and anytime I try to do it, I would get really frustrated because I was like, it's my ADHD brain, I can't do it. And I would get angry. As you just said, I would get pissed and I'd be like, okay, that's not for me. When I walk, that's when I meditate and and that's how I do it.

 

00:17:00:05 - 00:17:19:14

Unknown

I figured it out on my own just because it's just the way life has gone, where now I can do guided meditation, but it's a very different meditation than I was first taught. So if people are interested also, I would like to learn about this, but I haven't, you know, I looked into it and it wasn't for me.

 

00:17:19:16 - 00:17:39:10

Unknown

This is what I also say in the whole mental health world, just because something works for someone else doesn't mean it's going to work for you. And that's where the whole self awareness. That's why I always talk about self awareness so much. When you're self-aware and you know your body, you can feel this doesn't feel right. And it's not that I'm resisting it.

 

00:17:39:10 - 00:18:02:23

Unknown

It's just maybe it doesn't feel right because it's not right for me. And I need to try something else. And that's the same with kids, you know? And obviously right now, you know, how I see mental health as a buzzword. You know, right now they, you know, and especially in schools, kids mental health for the world, the adults in the world have never been in a worse mental health space.

 

00:18:03:01 - 00:18:43:15

Unknown

So it's tough to have good mental health without understanding. Yeah. You know, no matter what age you, you know, break up divorce relationship, move away to go to college. Your first job. Like there's so much going on in the world right now, it's tough to have any clarity to be able to do anything we're talking about right now with understanding, without understanding, you know, you can't have self, self-reflection.

 

00:18:43:19 - 00:19:07:00

Unknown

That's how you get understanding, right? You know, you can have self-awareness that you know, you're referencing to without understanding. You know, it's and that's why, you know, the diagnosis and understanding of what, you know, let's just, you know, dyslexia. What what is that is okay. What's that mean for me? You know, if I have it or what's that mean for my kid?

 

00:19:07:01 - 00:19:36:00

Unknown

You know, if that have are my wife or my husband, what does that mean? Or ADHD, how does that relate to my kid or my husband the right way for my boyfriend or my girlfriend? You know, because it's different for everybody. You know, right now, I obviously I think ADHD is the the biggest. Buzz word because it's, it's like the cool kids on the block.

 

00:19:36:02 - 00:19:58:04

Unknown

No, I have no, I'm neurodiverse. Very gonna. No, I'm going to put you know, it's so many people are just going you're going to the pediatrician, you know. Oh so and so I did a quick five test ADHD. So we're to make that's the biggest word probably out there. Probably with the most word without zero understanding.

 

00:19:58:06 - 00:20:19:13

Unknown

And if you go to the pediatricians, you know, the temperatures aren't gonna have a clue what it means, what it is. So there's writing a book is, you know, writing a book. And I mean, what does it say in this line? So understanding is, you know, where it comes is the biggest thing to this whole thing, right?

 

00:20:19:13 - 00:21:01:20

Unknown

To be able to have some understanding then you know, the meditation and you want to sell your nervous system like all that adds up, but you gotta have some understanding of what is going on. Yep. I totally agree with everything that you just said. The one thing though, I do think that a lot of people don't stop enough to have self-awareness where they use it well, like, well, I, I'm not self-aware because I don't have understanding about myself, but they're not giving themselves a chance to be like, okay, I was doing this and I was feeling this way.

 

00:21:01:22 - 00:21:25:12

Unknown

Now, whether it's because I'm a woman or the way I was built, you know, I obviously very in tuned. I always have them, but I didn't know when I was a child what that meant. Right? I didn't know that that was like, oh, I'm extremely introspective. I know how things work and all of these different things, but I allowed myself to kind of go with it.

 

00:21:25:12 - 00:21:40:04

Unknown

And I was fortunate enough to have a family that didn't shut it down. Right. Like if you have a kid that's constantly being like, wait, I feel like this is going on or this. But, you know, some parents don't have time because as you said, there's so much out there right now or people are just trying to survive it, right?

 

00:21:40:04 - 00:22:10:20

Unknown

They don't know what to not to. Right. You know, but how important is it in to healing? It's everything. But again, that comes into play to do they want to understand it. Do you want to go there? Is it fun now. Right. Okay. So I have another question for you. Okay. She's just three I have I have 10,000 more.

 

00:22:10:22 - 00:22:27:21

Unknown

So if someone's listening to this and they're like, okay, well, I, I do want to become more self-aware. I do want to have more understanding. I want to do this. What, dyslexic or not dyslexic? You know, this could be a parent that's listening to this as a dyslexic kid. And they're like, yeah, no, I'm not doing great.

 

00:22:27:21 - 00:23:00:18

Unknown

And I want to do something. Do you have any tips for them? You know, right. Write things down or record things or remember things. How did y'all how did this happen? How did I get to this? How did it feel? If it's your kid. Okay. You know. Hey, you had this, all right? What happened before that?

 

00:23:00:20 - 00:23:25:15

Unknown

What happened? What led up to there? You know, and we always talk about, the why, right? You know, so let's use a reference point of your school shootings. Right? You know, the big thing is everybody's on anti-depressants or, you know, their focus on that. Okay. But nobody's focus on why are they there. No. So how did I get to this situation?

 

00:23:25:17 - 00:23:49:20

Unknown

What led to what you're, you know, is a divorce. Okay. You know, how did I get here? It is always, you know, it's. How did it happen? Look at yourself. Not. You know what happened to me. What? What did I do? What I, you know, you got to Sykes, kid, okay? They got in trouble. What led to that?

 

00:23:49:20 - 00:24:00:21

Unknown

You know what's it? Just like peeling back the onion? Almost like peeling back the onion. Right? You have to heal. Nothing happens. Boom.

 

00:24:00:23 - 00:24:28:20

Unknown

What led to that? Right? You know, how do we get to ten? And there's a lot of numbers before ten. What? What led to that? So you know, for, you know, and I've worked with, you know, so many people unfortunately in our life, you know, mental health and things like that. There's no chapter book okay. We're on chapter six and, you know, page whatever.

 

00:24:28:22 - 00:24:57:00

Unknown

Take a look at where you are today. Now think where you were one year ago back. Were you in a better place or in a worse place? My stagnant, my excelling? No. Can't look at anybody else. No. And obviously obviously you talk about this all the time. You got to fall in love yourself. A lot of you are right.

 

00:24:57:02 - 00:25:19:06

Unknown

Not feeling believe it. But where were you a year ago? Where are you? In a better place, right? You're you're doing right, doing things right. It doesn't happen overnight. You're just turn 49. Oh, my shit didn't happen overnight. Took 49 years to get here. So you think it's going to go away overnight? No, I'm not sure. Wish.

 

00:25:19:12 - 00:25:56:11

Unknown

Right. But that's you know and that's so it's also putting, things in perspective to your you didn't get here overnight. It's not going to go away overnight. You're not going to get this understanding overnight. But did I get a little it's a little more than I had before we started this. Yes. That's a huge victory. And now it's you know there's a difference between two step forward, one step back or one step forward and two steps back.

 

00:25:56:13 - 00:26:11:16

Unknown

I love that I'm going just leave it there because I think that's like a little work that someone can do, writing things out and figuring out. And you can do that daily. You can do it. You can start in the morning, and then you could do it in the evening. And it is work everything. Or tap it like be a better person.

 

00:26:11:16 - 00:26:33:20

Unknown

You love taping that voice time. You love hearing yourself talk so you can and your volume voice, whatever. You know, it doesn't have to be writing voice now just so that you have some a starting point, whatever that ends up being for the for that individual. Exactly. And so I think that's like a really good reference for someone to start.

 

00:26:33:22 - 00:27:00:08

Unknown

Well thank you I like to this the, these questions that I was able to ask you and thank you for the answers because I think it's just, again, for someone to think about and taking little steps to make themselves a little bit more self-aware, which is just going to lead to a little bit more healing. And the better that we can be, the better our children can be because of, you know, having a healthy parent means having a healthier child or being able to be there for your child.

 

00:27:00:10 - 00:27:19:22

Unknown

And there's only one thing you'll want to talk. Well, you know, life's not easy, right? You got all these rich people. Can you take. You know, there's only one thing you can take with you. It's not your money. It's your legacy. And what's that going to be like? Rate, review and share and we'll see you for another episode of Word Blindness.

 

00:27:20:03 - 00:27:21:16

Unknown

Dyslexia experts for.