S5E12: Navigating Sensitive Topics with Care

In this episode, Juliet Hahn and Brent discuss the challenges and realities faced by parents and children dealing with learning disabilities, especially dyslexia. They explore the importance of early diagnosis, understanding, and embracing these conditions as potential superpowers, while also addressing the frustrations with the school system and societal expectations.

 

Chapters

 

00:00 Introduction and overview of the episode

01:53 The emotional challenges of parenting and personal struggles

03:49 Understanding trauma and its impact on children and parents

05:51 The importance of early diagnosis and intervention

08:06 School system shortcomings and the focus on grades

09:59 Homeschooling and alternative education options

11:52 The societal view of grades and success

14:06 Embracing dyslexia as a superpower

16:03 The long journey of diagnosis and understanding

18:07 The role of guidance counselors and school staff

20:05 The emotional toll on parents and advocacy

21:54 The importance of early understanding and diagnosis

23:58 Personal stories and reflections on school experiences

25:54 The societal obsession with grades and future success

28:04 The impact of trauma and societal expectations

29:55 Final thoughts and encouragement for parents and individuals

30:54 Closing remarks and call to action

 

Transcript

 

00:00:10:01 - 00:00:21:19

Unknown

So Monday morning, it's actually a beautiful fall morning here in New York.

 

00:00:21:21 - 00:00:29:02

Unknown

Yeah, you did do. When we first started our podcast, we would talk about the weather.

 

00:00:29:04 - 00:00:50:11

Unknown

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

00:00:50:13 - 00:01:08:07

Unknown

No, I love it. But we haven't done that in a long time since. But like, if I go back to like, we used to talk about it and then we would laugh, we like, oh my God, I'm starting to become a weather person. I never checked the weather because I. Yeah, yeah.

 

00:01:08:08 - 00:01:28:10

Unknown

Yeah, you totally get all of that. So and this is like feeling like very old school because what we do is we sometimes talk about what we want to talk about on the podcast before because I need to collect my, my thoughts because I.

 

00:01:28:12 - 00:01:58:00

Unknown

Topics are sensitive and we talk to individuals all the time. And there's a situation that I see how it's playing out and it's someone very close to me and I can't intervene the way I would intervene, because you can't throw things down people's throats and it's really hard. I could start crying like it's bringing up shit for me, and I don't know how to.

 

00:01:58:02 - 00:05:08:06

Unknown

I don't know how to navigate it. So annoyed.

 

00:05:08:07 - 00:05:36:04

Unknown

It's really hard and I will. Preference. This is a very good friend of mine. And I have I have multiple friends that are in this world, meaning that their kids later, you know, one of my closest friends from growing up and she's like, nope, I'm doing it my way. And I was always fine with that because I know that she struggled in school too, but like, never got diagnosed and doesn't, you know, she she like, these are our superpowers.

 

00:05:36:04 - 00:05:57:17

Unknown

We have to get around this, you know, that's how she was built. And and her kid is fine. Finally, she did say to me when he was in seventh grade and they started talking about it, she's like, you know, he basically was like, yeah, I need I need to know why I learned different. I just kept thinking I was dumb and she little not many words, but she said to me, I should have listened earlier.

 

00:05:57:19 - 00:06:18:13

Unknown

And I said, it's fine. You know, this and this is not the same. This is another situation, a very close person. And I can see what's going to happen to the kid. And it's because of their trauma they're not following. And as you said, it's like I'm I'm almost annoyed at God, the universe, whatever you want to say, because I'm like, why do you need to put this in my path?

 

00:06:18:14 - 00:06:29:02

Unknown

Like, again, like why at this time with this person? Does this need to be put in my path like, fuck off?

 

00:06:29:04 - 00:08:16:00

Unknown

I know, and it's not, and it's not about me, but like, it brings all shit up.

 

00:08:16:02 - 00:08:36:16

Unknown

Yeah. So this is an interesting that just came to my mind because we have, we have people that have kids in the dyslexic world that choose to homeschool. Some of them choose to homeschool. They don't realize their kids dyslexic, but they choose to homeschool because of many different medical that like there's so many different ways that goes into it.

 

00:08:36:18 - 00:09:00:13

Unknown

And I just got like a ping in my head because I was always like, I wish, like when not wish. When my kids were little, there was a period of time I was like, I mean, I can't fucking hate school torture. Like, I would never even think about it. But when I like, looked at co-ops, I mean, I looked at every scenario to try to save Montgomery from going through school the way I went through every scenario.

 

00:09:00:14 - 00:09:17:12

Unknown

Right. And then it just always was like, he's got to be in school, right? We found the private school. That was great for him for those years. You know, then we had to move to public school and hearing his podcast where, you know, when he was getting into trouble and doing shit because he was like, I was with all these guys, which I knew was going to happen and I couldn't.

 

00:09:17:16 - 00:09:42:18

Unknown

So it's almost like I was playing scenarios out. And so there is like this whole kind of thing, you break the pattern, right? So like some people break the pattern by putting their kid in homeschool and doing that. But then I think there's also people that put their kids in homeschool because they don't can't they had the trauma and they don't want to deal with watching their kid go through that trauma because they haven't dealt with the trauma.

 

00:09:42:19 - 00:10:35:02

Unknown

It kind of just all of a sudden it came to me like, I think there's so much good in that homeschool thought, but it's always going to come and bite us in the ass at some point. Real life when you struggle is always going to come. It doesn't matter how much you put it off. But yes, we talk about the self-esteem and all of that stuff, but it's like you could put it off, put it off, put it off, and then you're going to get a fucking landslide like it's going to happen.

 

00:10:35:04 - 00:11:03:01

Unknown

This is.

 

00:11:03:03 - 00:11:17:00

Unknown

Yeah. And I mean I even went there and listen I don't even know if this is how the scenario is playing out, but that's what I did in my own head. And then I was like, oh thank you. Thank you so much for that. Because it was like, oh, they don't want to listen because they don't know that.

 

00:11:17:00 - 00:12:32:18

Unknown

But then I was like, no, no, this is nothing to do with me. It's all about them. Which again, it weighed more on my mind all weekend than I really would have liked it to. Like, okay, do you need me to jump on a call? Do you need me to take it through? No. Great. Okay, okay.

 

00:12:32:20 - 00:12:55:21

Unknown

Yeah.

 

00:12:55:23 - 00:13:46:09

Unknown

Come out somewhere.

 

00:13:46:11 - 00:14:11:13

Unknown

Yeah. And again they might be putting it off this year and they might figure things out this year. And that's great. But then it's it's school gets harder. We know what happens. And it's like if you don't have accommodations and this is what you just said. Like you could get the diagnosis. You can have the understanding. But if you don't fully I don't want to say submit because I don't love that.

 

00:14:11:13 - 00:14:30:14

Unknown

But like embrace it. Like, okay, this is I mean, I remember talking with Montgomery and him being like, I don't, I don't like I know you don't want to be that kid, but guess what? You are the kid. There's no way around it, dude. And he's like, fine. And and then you just know. And it's like you have to kind of.

 

00:14:30:16 - 00:15:01:15

Unknown

And it's hard. It's like, of course it's really hard sometimes. You know, we talk about the parents that don't have the learning disability, how hard it is on them and when you have it, how hard it is on you because it brings all the stuff up. But like, it's hard in every way possible. It's not easy. And yes, we can make things easier by having that diagnosis and embracing it and getting that, you know, but you also like you're in school, you're going to get the bruises.

 

00:15:01:15 - 00:16:11:19

Unknown

But like if you can have enough connection within your house and your support team, you those bruises can be lighter and lighter because you're I mean it's it's school.

 

00:16:11:21 - 00:16:49:13

Unknown

Hum.

 

00:16:49:15 - 00:17:09:06

Unknown

getting go and get it done, you know, just just

 

00:17:09:07 - 00:17:29:22

Unknown

Now some right. We're talking about generalization because most of it takes that long. There's some that all of a sudden you're like what happens. Right. And and it's every scenario is a little bit different. But pretty much the same like the overall overarching is pretty much the same. And you know.

 

00:17:30:00 - 00:17:56:11

Unknown

It's it is really it's interesting where we are and how we talk about all of it. And still there's days that like, I get so pissed at the school system like and that that I also have my kids in the school system, like if I could have been a hippie dippy got a van by the river, taught them, you know, by life, by traveling and all of that, like, oh my gosh, that would have been amazing.

 

00:17:56:14 - 00:18:18:17

Unknown

But it it doesn't. You fall into societal like, this is what you're supposed to do, and and you do it. And, you know, school is, is a very broken place. And if you struggle, I actually this is I have to I'm going to change the subject for one second. Did you have something you want to say? And this is not changing the subject.

 

00:18:18:17 - 00:18:42:05

Unknown

But there was this, there was a football coach, it was on Instagram, and they were talking about he was talking about the school and how much the school, this particular school cost, and it was speaking to kids that were coming to see the school football players. Yeah. College. Yeah. And he basically said this school is X amount.

 

00:18:42:07 - 00:19:04:23

Unknown

Like the first thing we look at is like there's football players all like there's talented kids. The portals talented. You guys are high school. So what does what stands apart. It's the grades. And I literally was listening to this and I was getting like yeah. And then all of a sudden I got Buck and pissed because I was like, it is the grades.

 

00:19:04:23 - 00:19:21:06

Unknown

It is the grades that everyone fucking looks at. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you have, okay? I have a learning disability. They still look at your grades, okay? You have a learning disability, but are you smart enough to get certain grades? And it is about the grades and it sucks. It sucks that it's about the grades.

 

00:19:21:07 - 00:19:41:07

Unknown

But if you want to go to certain like and yes, we know that there's certain 1% of kids that like, you know, are anomalies that are like so incredible and their grades suck. But I was thinking about all the dyslexic kids at me were in that that crowd and were listening. And the parents were like, yeah, this, this school, you know, it's hard to get scholarships and this is almost $100,000 school.

 

00:19:41:07 - 00:19:57:14

Unknown

And, you know, it's a great program. You're going to learn a lot. But if you can't get your grades and what the coach was saying, though, I understood it was like, don't fuck around, get the good grades, don't be knuckleheads. You know, stand out by your great. And I was like, literally got excited. But then and I think I hearted it and then I didn't.

 

00:19:57:14 - 00:20:17:23

Unknown

And then I wanted to say something else. And then I got pissed and I was like, no. Because then I go right to Montgomery, right? I go right to my kid that like he had talent, has talent, but his grades, I go to myself. I had talent, but my grades couldn't get me to that, you know? So like.

 

00:20:18:01 - 00:20:29:00

Unknown

Right, right.

 

00:20:29:02 - 00:20:45:21

Unknown

But when that's the thing and it's everything is on these kids about grades, your grade point average. And I remember like I literally sat there and was thinking of my guidance counselor who told me time and time again, I was going nowhere. Find something else. You're not going to college? No. College is going to take you with those grades.

 

00:20:45:23 - 00:21:57:08

Unknown

Try. And what she was doing was trying to motivate me to do better, right? She was trying to motivate me to do better. But when someone like I didn't choose to fucking fail and suck, right, like, like, let's put two and two together, guidance counselor. Like, you know, like, I wasn't that kid that was like. But even the kids that are angry and pissed, like, stop and think for a second, like, yeah.

 

00:21:57:10 - 00:22:02:20

Unknown

No. And it just hurts the the kid in the chair time and time again. It hurts the kid in the chair

 

00:22:02:21 - 00:22:11:14

Unknown

Well, and then it's the kid in the chair. But,

 

00:22:11:16 - 00:23:22:02

Unknown

Right?

 

00:23:22:03 - 00:23:25:15

Unknown

Yep. And.

 

00:23:25:17 - 00:23:38:06

Unknown

Right. And it's and I mean, the heads of special ed, you know, I mean, I've run into it. What's this calculation discrepancy. So sorry. Can you explain?

 

00:23:38:08 - 00:23:57:03

Unknown

Sure, sure. You know, and it's like it's maddening. And it is if you think about how many years you're in school. And those are the years that are shaping you.

 

00:23:57:05 - 00:24:05:00

Unknown

I mean, I feel like it's even longer because in your preschool and you got. But. Yeah.

 

00:24:05:02 - 00:24:29:20

Unknown

Yeah, well, here we go, kindergarten. But then there's 1 to 12. So kindergarten I would think is 13. And then if you do preschool. But I'm not counting. So hold on it I don't yeah I mean it is and it.

 

00:24:29:22 - 00:24:30:16

Unknown

Yeah.

 

00:24:30:18 - 00:24:49:22

Unknown

It's we I was actually talking to someone the other day and they're dyslexic and they don't remember any of their teachers like you. And I remember I remember my teachers names, and I remember how I was in the class and how they made me feel.

 

00:24:50:00 - 00:25:09:11

Unknown

I would like to block it out.

 

00:25:09:13 - 00:25:18:03

Unknown

Yeah, I, I remember.

 

00:25:18:05 - 00:25:32:23

Unknown

And was he good? But yeah. So he, he must have, he, he left a and it wasn't like a night.

 

00:25:33:01 - 00:25:44:06

Unknown

It's interesting.

 

00:25:44:08 - 00:25:58:19

Unknown

Oh I remember my, I remember kindergarten and I remember I remember my Mrs. Masher. But I also remember all of these teachers really trying to help me.

 

00:25:58:21 - 00:26:18:18

Unknown

I went to Moorestown friends, I was, I went I went to a private school because my sister struggled. And so my parents but but then they were like, she just put her in regular because it's it is what it is.

 

00:26:18:20 - 00:26:37:03

Unknown

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we had Baker School.

 

00:26:37:05 - 00:26:54:17

Unknown

Yeah. No but a lot of people don't I. And it's really interesting I, I remember every one of my elementary teachers and I remember everyone and I remember how they tried to help me. And I remember I could feel the frustration. Like I can feel like I know. And I my second grade teacher, I did not like she did not.

 

00:26:54:21 - 00:27:13:21

Unknown

I was not her favorite. My other teachers, luckily I they really liked me, so they really wanted to help. They thought they got a kick out of me. They thought I was. Oh, you know, I was, I was me middle school. I can tell you a handful of teachers high school I can tell you a few, but.

 

00:27:13:23 - 00:27:25:08

Unknown

And then college I remember too. I don't remember anything about college. Really?

 

00:27:25:10 - 00:27:29:22

Unknown

Yeah.

 

00:27:30:00 - 00:27:38:03

Unknown

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

00:27:38:03 - 00:27:59:06

Unknown

And then you change. So like, that's I can remember some. I don't remember all of the middle school. I probably remember the least. But that was fifth through eighth grade. So like middle school like so elementary was K through four. And then as like a ten year old you're going to middle school with eighth graders. Yeah.

 

00:27:59:08 - 00:28:08:12

Unknown

Yeah. Because that's right. Because. No, no. Yeah. Yeah.

 

00:28:08:14 - 00:28:35:11

Unknown

Great. Yeah. I mean and that's the thing, that's how different it is everywhere. But the fundamentally thing that comes down to every school that I've ever been, anyone I've ever talked to, anyone that has been, you know, they don't understand that people do not choose to do poorly in school. There is a reason behind it.

 

00:28:35:13 - 00:28:44:00

Unknown

I mean, it's yeah. Right, right.

 

00:28:44:02 - 00:29:06:16

Unknown

Yeah. So it's just it's frustrating and it's frustrating as an almost 53 year old that situations knowing that like my friends kid where they are and where they're pretending that they're, you know, like and again I'm, I get on a call later today and it might be. Oh no. Oh no. Yeah. No, I did all that. Oh really?

 

00:29:06:20 - 00:29:13:14

Unknown

But it's also I know I, I really doubt it, but it also.

 

00:29:13:16 - 00:29:25:05

Unknown

I just hope but I know it's going to be another year. It's going to be another year. It's they're back and in 10th grade it gets harder. 10th grade is hard.

 

00:29:25:07 - 00:29:38:10

Unknown

Oh yeah I know, I know. Speaking Canadian good talking. Good running sophomore.

 

00:29:38:12 - 00:29:47:20

Unknown

What the fuck are people talking about.

 

00:29:47:22 - 00:29:52:06

Unknown

Yeah.

 

00:29:52:08 - 00:30:00:04

Unknown

Yeah.

 

00:30:00:06 - 00:30:15:13

Unknown

Its 10th grade. Yeah. Yeah. No. So that's good. Good. Getting fun getting emotional on a Monday morning.

 

00:30:15:14 - 00:30:21:21

Unknown

We'll keep you posted on that. On that. Yeah.

 

00:30:21:23 - 00:30:27:19

Unknown

53 is not old 95 is old.

 

00:30:27:21 - 00:30:39:18

Unknown

And you're going to be 50. You're joining the club in a few months.

 

00:30:39:20 - 00:30:56:19

Unknown

Just your year your years on Earth. Yes. Good chronological age. I'm I am younger according to my aura ring and anything that I do, anything. I am younger and I appreciate all of that.

 

00:30:56:21 - 00:31:31:01

Unknown

At age is a number. No, age is just. It's a mindset. Yeah, yeah. You're like fuck you. It is a number. That was very nice way to put it. All right. Any any other wisdom do you have in your in your brain this morning? Oh, sucks.

 

00:31:31:03 - 00:31:34:09

Unknown

Yeah.

 

00:31:34:11 - 00:31:53:07

Unknown

I'm gonna leave it at that. Thank you for listening to another episode of Word Blindness. Dyslexia. Expose like rate, review and share. You might be one of those people that keep knowing that you need to change things for your child, and you're just not there because it hurts too much for you. You might need to hear this because it hurts others as well.