S3E17: Coaching Strategies for Dyslexic Athletes - Accommodating Different Learning Needs

Have you ever heard these myths about coaching dyslexic athletes?

• They're lazy and uncoachable.
• They don't pay attention.
• They can't process information quickly.

But what if we told you these are all false? Let's dive into the strategies that actually work. Stay tuned for the secrets to coaching dyslexic athletes to success.

 

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:02 - Introduction and Easter Candy 

00:04:23 - Overindulgence in Candy 

00:06:54 - Family Dynamics and Holiday Hangovers 

00:11:55 - Dyslexia and Youth Sports 

00:14:00 - Importance of Coaching 

00:15:10 - Motivating Players 

00:16:43 - Impact of Coaching Approach 

00:21:20 - Personal Coaching Experiences 

00:25:23 - Supportive Parenting and Coaching 

00:27:19 - Early struggles in soccer and the need for advocacy 

00:29:37 - Challenges with dyslexia in sports 

00:30:25 - Self-advocacy struggles beyond sports 

00:32:47 - Instilling confidence and self-advocacy 

00:37:30 - The responsibility of coaches and the impact on players 

00:40:21 - Importance of Understanding Dyslexia and ADHD 

00:41:07 - Lack of Understanding of Dyslexia and ADHD 

00:43:14 - Advocating for Dyslexic and ADHD Individuals 

00:46:15 - Processing Differences in ADHD and Dyslexia 

00:50:37 - Tailoring Information Delivery 

00:53:40 - Importance of Self-Awareness and Advocacy 

00:54:55 - Understanding Different Processing Styles 

00:56:36 - Self-Esteem and Advocacy 

00:57:34 - Feeling Uncomfortable to Grow 

00:59:39 - Importance of Self-Confidence

 

Transcript:

00:00:02
Welcome back to word blindness. Dyslexia exposed. I am here. Well, I'm first. I'm Juliet Hahn and I'm here.

00:00:08
I don't know if you're here or not. Oh, man. After. After the stories that I heard this Easter weekend, I don't know if you are here. We do have an interesting topic today, though.

00:00:22
Do you want me to preface just one topic, two topic, three topic. We could talk about a thousand fucking things. A million different topics. How was your Easter? So this is going.

00:00:35
We're taping on our usual Monday after for Easter Monday. Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity hoppy. Easter's on its way. Okay, so I feel like that's like deja vu.

00:00:48
I feel like you did that last year. I gotta now go back for the best. It's got the best candy ever. This is. We did this.

00:00:55
Exactly. I don't remember. Big fan. A big fan of Foo Foo candy. Yeah.

00:00:59
Do you like Peeps? No, no, no. You don't like the marshmallows? No, I'm the chocolate Cadbury eggs. Cadbury.

00:01:10
I love the Cadbury eggs. Or the.

00:01:15
The mini eggs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big fan of those. You know the little milk cartons that they come in. Little bubble gum.

00:01:24
I love those. Crushed. I've crushed a few of those. By far my favorite candy. So I call it Peter Cotton Taylor Fufu.

00:01:33
I used to call the kids. Fufu's coming. Right. So I definitely used to love Easter candy until it doesn't do me good. Oh, you're.

00:01:45
You're eating some tree hugging.

00:01:52
But here. Okay, here's wrongs. Okay, so here we will. And Elizabeth's comment was really funny. So I'm gonna.

00:01:58
I'm gonna actually preference because Montgomery did not come home. Whole whole misunderstanding shit show over there. Which is kind of funny. But. So Michelle didn't come home.

00:02:08
I think Elizabeth said. She did say that. So. Which made me laugh because Hahn and the kids were away for spring break like the week before coming up, right? So like last week.

00:02:20
So I was home doing work. Wasn't even thinking. I was like, oh, fuck. Easter's now. We usually do like some sort of Easter egg hunt.

00:02:27
I usually put like money or like. Remember last year I did the whole counting thing. There was a certain amount and also they get out of chores. Like the numbers didn't add up, right? Well, I wasn't even trying to do that.

00:02:39
So all of a sudden I was like, oh, my God, I didn't do anything for their Easter baskets. Montgomery is not going to be home. That's gonna be so weird. It's only gonna be two Easter bags. So I was doing this whole thing in my head.

00:02:47
So then I went on Amazon. I was like, shit, I can't not. That's like, terrible. Poor Penelope, she's only 15. That would be like, not fair that her Easter is done now because Montgomery's out.

00:02:56
So I ordered. Really is. Stop it. So I ordered like 400 worth of candy. Okay.

00:03:05
Because I can't do anything like, half. Not. And you think I'm bad. 400? I.

00:03:10
I went to Target and I think I did really good. I think I spent 20 bucks. 400? No, because I ordered like, the organic. Because I was like, they're trying not to do sugar.

00:03:20
But here's the thing. After I hit it, it was like, it doesn't come until Tuesday. And I was like, motherfucker. I didn't look it was coming. You live in Timbuktu with no mail address.

00:03:35
I know, it's so annoying. Send you a package. I don't know if it's coming or it's going to end up in Alaska or where the hell I know it really is. When I moved here, my friends were like, what are you going? Like, the witness protection program?

00:03:46
I was like, right. You would think that. So anyway, so then I had to reorder and then I went to cancel the order, and it wouldn't let me cancel because it already did something. And I was like, what? So today and tomorrow we're gonna get even more candy of this unreal stuff, which I actually like.

00:04:00
But I don't want it because I ate it this weekend and became. I was gonna use the word R. The R word. I'm not gonna do that. I became.

00:04:08
I. Well, I mean, yeah, I became so unhinged. I had like, the worst, like, sugar hangover, even though I didn't even eat, like, real. I mean, I did. It's like 4 grams versus 20 grams.

00:04:23
It's very good. I had the peanut butter cup. Elizabeth gave me the peanut butter cup, and here's the bag. Yeah, but. Okay, wait, but did you eat it?

00:04:33
Okay, this is where I need you to pause. Your body. Did you eat it in between real candy or did you, like, wait till your body was like a little like. Like out of the real candy? You were a little detox from the real candy, which I know the answer, so don't look at me that way.

00:04:49
I'm asking why you asked the question. I'm asking you in a smart ass way. I Would rather eat a raccoon's ass. No, I like unreals. Sorry.

00:04:58
Unreal. We're not. He's not your spokesperson. And this is lying because it is not unreal. This is false advertising.

00:05:06
Just like I should have sued Red Bull for getting wings because I haven't gotten wings yet. Elizabeth's like, oh, these are good. I'm like, they are good. It's because you were eating them, like, with real candy. They're actually better for you because they don't.

00:05:21
I'm not going to go into the whole philosophy of your body and why we shouldn't be e regular, real sugar, because that's what I did all weekend. So then I also ate all the other healthy candy sugar stuff I have in the house, but I overdid it because I can't ever just have one or two. That's why I had to stop drinking Splenda or real sugar. Splenda's terrible. That's a cancer causer.

00:05:40
Oh, no, sponge is not. No, stevia. Stevia is the good one. No, Splenda is the bad one. Right.

00:05:46
So do you want. Do you want the fake sugar or the real sugar? No, I want the real stevia sugar. I'm not taking Splenda. Splenda's awful.

00:05:52
No, I want, like, you can do the cane sugar, but only do, like, 4 grams instead of 35. That's when I was doing cocaine. Let's only do one line instead of 100. No, 100. Way better than one.

00:06:07
I'll take 700 Adderall rather than one. Why? Why would I want one? Well, this is why I don't do things, because I can't just have one. Oh, I'm going to go have a beer.

00:06:16
100 beer. So. Okay, perfect. I'm in one. I'm not going.

00:06:21
Exactly. So you just proved the point as I was saying. So even the unreals, which are not fake, but I mean are not because they still are real. If you read the ingredients, they are. Because it's un.

00:06:34
Whatever. I'm not. I can't do this now. I'm gonna have a temper tantrum. Oh, my God.

00:06:41
Anyways, so that is what. That's what we started talking about, and that's how we got sidetracked. But that's not the topic we're going to talk about. But yes, you love Easter candy. I'm actually going to go to last year's the right before because I think you did the exact.

00:06:54
I think we did the exact same thing. Which will just make me Laugh. Because most people that are listening, after Easter, most people. After Halloween, after Easter, after every holiday, people have that, like, crappy hangover, whether it's from alcohol, drugs, or shit food, because they're going to their family, so they're drugging themselves up. Right.

00:07:15
There's so much stuff around holidays which we kind of just unpacked, which is pretty funny. You unpacked, which we're not going to talk about. The golden child didn't come home. So everything was done. I was in.

00:07:32
There's no Easter. You had a temper tantrum, and you took your bat and ball and you left. I did. Oh, my God. And Penelope was like, what the.

00:07:41
And I was like, I'm sorry. I don't. I don't know how to. I don't know how to do. It's just like, you know, the first kids got seven.

00:07:49
The best birthday parties. The biggest birthday parties. All the pictures come. You know, the third, the fourth, the fifth, the sixth kid. Yeah.

00:07:56
There's nothing like. Except Penelope. Penelope had the best birthday parties because I used to pay the boys instead of having birthday. I was like, I'll give you money instead of having a party. And they were like, yes.

00:08:07
She didn't want it. She was like, no, I want the party and the money. So I think she got both. Yeah. Just start playing you at a young age.

00:08:17
Oh, yeah, yeah. Very, very. Yeah, very early. We all have our talents, and we all fall short at some spots that worked really well.

00:08:29
Okay, do we want to talk about coaching and dyslexia parties? I hate birthday parties. Like a nightmare. Oh, Grandma's got her birthday in a couple days. I know she.

00:08:45
Well, so my sister Megan had hers the 18th, then Elizabeth has hers, what, the 24th, and then my dad's the 26th.

00:08:55
So are you going there on his birthday? Is this is it?

00:09:01
Oh, we are. Yeah. We were celebrating his 80th. We won't dive into this one because that's a whole new. Oh, and I could.

00:09:14
I could already feel it building up. I'm like, why am I anxious? Oh, I know why. Well, that one's. I.

00:09:21
I'd love to be the fly on the wall on this one. Oh, I could already feel it in my shoulder. I. I wrote what I'm writing. I mean, I wrote what I'm reading, and I'm also standing up and reading it, by the way.

00:09:32
We're doing live readings. Oh, my God, I can't wait for this. But yes. Let's go.

00:09:43
And you're gonna. How long was it, you know, What? A month ago you and I had this heated debate. If you want to call that over, coaches. Yeah, but I kind of love that you said heated debate.

00:09:56
It was like so slightly. We didn't agree.

00:10:01
You were so stubborn. You couldn't put yourself. You kept, see the, see the golden child didn't come back home for the first year and you kept placing yourself in the golden child era that you couldn't put yourself into. We're trying to have this conversation with 6, 7, 8, 9 year olds and you already yourself in first year of college. No.

00:10:27
Okay, so I will say there also was, I don't think you were allowing yourself to hear my side. And you were like, you just were like, no. Because not everyone gets it. You guys are that small percentage, your innate confidence. And you, you went there instead of actually thinking and stopping and being like, okay, I understand.

00:10:50
And then you. And then we both got on the same page and we're like, okay, I see your point. And yes, I see your point. So I think it was a month ago. You are correct.

00:11:02
And I love that you're frozen right now. You should see this picture. Oh, am I frozen?

00:11:09
Am I still frozen? Oh yeah. Can you hear me? Take a picture. Do I look crazy?

00:11:14
It just came off now. Was I making a crazy face? So I hadn't, I had a scenario happened at a father I talked to, talked a couple now and the coach, you know, this, this kid like hockey's crazy. You know, they're starting to have triloats already right now for next fall and youth sports isn't a sport anymore. Should be called the youth business.

00:11:55
Yeah, deal. That's a hundred percent. Yeah. You know, you've got, you know, and this, this scenario here happened here, you know, in Illinois, your kid plays hockey, you know, in Mission is a, AAA hockey team and supposed to be one of the best programs, you know, in, you know, in the US and they're actually, they're the highest price. Right.

00:12:27
They're actually a very shit program because they recruit all the best talent, but they don't develop.

00:12:39
So they'll bring in the best, you know, 10 year olds, you know, for that age group or best 11 year olds, best 12. But you never see kids get better.

00:12:51
And this family that I'm friends with, the dad is actually a hall of fame coach. I'm not going to say in what sport he is. He's one of the, one of the most world renowned coaches in, in, in his industry and his kid is dyslexic and the coach getting, you know, the coach, for knowing his kid like 4 days over tournament was saying he's lazy. You know, he's uncoachable.

00:13:28
You know, when I talk to him, he's, you know, he's staring into space. He's. Doesn't work hard. He's lazy. You know.

00:13:39
And the coach's name is Varga. His Varga is a piece of shit. You've known the kid four days now. If you don't understand where you're supposed to be or what you're supposed to be doing, do you. Do you work hard, as fast as you can.

00:14:00
I gotta run to that corner. I don't know if I'm supposed to be there, but I'm gonna be the first to be there. Oh, that's not how it works. We're gonna kind of sit back or kind of view what's around. A lot of the kids going that way.

00:14:14
Okay, I'm going to go that way or. I think I use this reference all the time. Sam drove 10 miles. I don't know where the hell. Show me where Sam is.

00:14:25
Don't tell me where Sam is. And as a coach, it's our job to coach the kids. So if you take that responsibility as being a coach, no matter if it's, you know, soccer and basketball aren't real sports anyways. If it's lacrosse or if it's baseball or if it's football, that's not real sport either. If you take the position to be a coach, no matter if you're a dad, coach or.

00:15:00
Or if this is your job, it's your job to teach each kid.

00:15:10
You have to understand what motivates each kid. And that's where people talk about great coaches. You know, you. You talk about, I think basketball, obviously. Chicago, Pat.

00:15:26
Pat Riley. I think it was like, it's the best coach isn't the best X and O's. That's. That's basically what the assistant coaches are to, you know, do is teach the X and O's the way you want. You have to figure out how to motivate each person.

00:15:45
How do you get the most out of each kid? You know, each player? You're talking about, you know, the best coaches, hall of Fame coaches in. In all the sports, they knew what each person did. And this guy Varga, after knowing the kid four days saying he's uncoachable, he ruined.

00:16:07
He just about ruined the kid. And I talked with dad this weekend. He went and tried out some. He's like, I've never seen him look so bad on the ice because he was broken. You basically yelled at him.

00:16:22
You told him how worthless we are. And, you know, I just had another, you know, scenario a couple years ago with a family in Florida. I always say it for us and you, hard love for us is hard death.

00:16:43
We'll shut down, we'll show up again, but we won't be present.

00:16:50
And one of the things that you said, and it like took me back because this kid, as you said, he's dyslexic. So sports were where he was getting adhd. Sorry, I didn't throw. And what ADHD too. Right, right, right, right.

00:17:04
That's going to play into this. Yep. And so that's where he was getting his confidence. Right. This is where you're good.

00:17:10
This is where you're good. And you have someone that has no understanding of, first of all, whatever his name is, doesn't sound like he's human, like decency, period. He doesn't know how humans work, nor does he know how children work, whether that's where he came from. But like, you know, one on one, 101 in being a coach to me is like, you got to get that connection with each of your players and you have to figure it out. And each of your players, it's going to be different, right?

00:17:39
Each of the players, it's going to be different. And. And it is taking him and breaking him down in four days and then seeing like that has to be so hard for the dad. And I just want to take it back for this, which is really interesting because we, you and I have talked about many different times about sports and coaches and you know, how we were always the one, you know, like, we never wanted to go first in my high school. So I think I've shared this on here.

00:18:07
Our high school, we won states every year in field hockey and lacrosse. We were like a powerhouse throughout the state. It was like we had these two coaches, one for field hockey, one for lacrosse. And they were known, they won all these awards and they had different styles. And the field hockey coach loved my younger sister who was two years younger than me.

00:18:26
And I was more like the bull. Like you told me what to do when I would go. She was more finesse and all these things. She was brought up for varsity as a sophomore. And I, for whatever reason, was struggling with this coach at this time.

00:18:39
And it was because she would always have me go first and she would scream in my face and like, basically be like, you're not paying attention. What is wrong with you? Focus. Blah, blah, blah, blah. But anytime she would pull me out and scream in my face, I would score.

00:18:53
So she knew that, like, it did something to me. But my mom was like, I'm not having this anymore. So my mom basically said to her, if you do not learn how to coach Juliet, you will not have Megan taking my younger. My. My younger daughter.

00:19:08
And. And this is it. I'm done. I'm not watching, you know, whatever. So what came about, and the reason why I'm telling the story is what came about is she did not understand that I wasn't fucking around, right?

00:19:20
Like, if I had to go first, as you said, like, I could not. I needed to see it done. She would speak and be like, Juliet, you're going first. Because every time I would go first, she'd be like, don't do it. Like, she does.

00:19:30
She messes up every time. Cause she's not focused. She's fooling around and blood. These other things. And that year, it was.

00:19:37
I had a really tough year in sports because that was where I was getting my confidence, right? But I would get screamed at. But you said you always would score, right after. In. In the games, when she would pull me out and scream in my face, then I would score.

00:19:51
And I know, I know where you're going with this because this is interesting. So she was like, okay, this. She thought that that's what was getting to me. Like, okay, I know how to work with her. I just have to scream and yell at her.

00:20:02
That's going to make her work, right? And so now if you think about it, because, I mean, every player, they would be like, God, and I'm not gonna say her name, be like, she fucking hates you. I know. It was exhausting. However, there was something, and I think it's.

00:20:18
When you say the things about the wire crossed right now, I was a certain age, so it wasn't like, I wasn't young where I was still developing. I mean, yes, you're still developing your self confidence, but like 11, 12, to have a coach already start being like, no, this is. This is how I see you. And this is not okay. You're pulling something.

00:20:38
You're. You're taking something out of a kid and, and turning them upside down, right? And. And if they are struggling with learning disabilities, think about how, as you just said that next tryout, the dad was like, he was a shell of himself. So if the dad didn't notice that and the dad didn't pull him and get him in touch with you, think about where this kid would be if no One noticed, right.

00:21:02
No one noticed that he was shrinking and shrinking and shrinking because of one interaction with a coach that made him feel use. This is why these positions, teachers and coaches are so important, because you actually can change someone's life. Like, so, you know, for. For the worse and for the better. So, like, I know you want to say something here, so.

00:21:20
No, I. I'm. I'm interested to. To go back. Yo.

00:21:26
For me, when I played my best is when I literally got a. You match on the bench with the coach. Yeah, right. I remember you saying that. Yep.

00:21:35
Because my problem, you know, is I needed to play hockey, not think hockey. Right. When my wires crossed, I didn't think hockey, I played hockey. Right. And I remember you saying that.

00:21:51
So how does that try to, you know, you would go and play well or you go and score when she. When your wires were crossed. I mean, that I. You know what? I actually never even thought about the conversation that we've had with you, but for this one particular coach.

00:22:09
Yep. Anytime she scream and she would scream or like, spit would be in my. Yeah, yeah. Like, I used to get like, literally the coach and I would get in a fuck you match and fuck you, like, oh, yeah. When he came, you know, he.

00:22:22
Same thing he did, you know, but that's when he. He. That's the way he was. And again, I was old school, you know, obviously. Yeah, we talk about things are different nowadays.

00:22:33
Yeah, we grew up differently. But that's when I. I would excel. Right. You know, my wires would cross and I'm.

00:22:43
I would. I was. I was so angry that it was almost like this tunnel vision. I just didn't see anything. I just played.

00:22:51
I didn't. So I played hockey, not hockey. And that's why for me, you know, we talk about. I never. The more tired I was going to the game.

00:23:01
Like, there's. There's games where I was like, falling asleep, driving to the rink. I was so exhausted. Right. That's why I played my best.

00:23:10
Right. Because I didn't think hockey. I just played hockey. So I was trying to. Trying to understand the correlation.

00:23:18
I mean, maybe it was the same with me. Maybe it was. Maybe that's what. Because I did. We.

00:23:22
And this was like during one of the worst times was during our state tournament championship. And my sister and I, it would. She would assist to me or I would assist to her. And we won. And our last name was Williams, so it was like during the time of like, the William sisters too.

00:23:36
And so it was like the Williams sisters in South Jersey. It was like. Were you the white William sisters? We were the white Williams sisters also. What is that W squared?

00:23:45
Oh, it is. Look at you. Yeah, look at you. But that was a really like. It was like a.

00:23:52
I was so screamed at all the time that even, like people would be like. Like, parents were like, this is like crazy. Like, how is this. And my mom. It was a bother, so.

00:24:02
But maybe that's exactly what it was for me at that time. College coach, it didn't work. She was like, she tried, but. But she. No, no, I'm just Jo.

00:24:17
Even though. Yo.

00:24:21
During the heat of the bottle, you know, him and I, you know, we get in the. You matches. Right? Screaming. Right.

00:24:25
You know, this coach was here. It. No, it worked that time. You know, there has to be that. Our yin yang, whatever.

00:24:40
You know, where our were, where we lost him and I lost each other. Is that it? Dude, in practice, he. Dude off the ice. You know it.

00:24:53
Yeah. There was places and times where that would work and then it wouldn't. Right. You know, during the game, I was good. That's what I needed.

00:25:05
There was not for me. It was not. Hey, you can do it. I need. No, I need to be.

00:25:11
I need to be. Yeah. But I couldn't be in other places. Right. So it's understanding your players, understanding what's.

00:25:23
What works, you know. And she probably did it to you in all places. You. Sounds like you and I are probably a lot like when it comes. When it comes to that.

00:25:32
Yeah. Yeah. And I never even thought about that when you said that, but I remember my mom just recently talking about it. She's like. I was like, don't.

00:25:38
You're going to figure out how to work with her or I'm taking my little sister. Yeah. And then this, you know, and this goes back to your ornate confidence. Right. Your mom was there protecting you.

00:25:50
Right again. Mine was pro. Mine was a different era. Mine. Yeah.

00:25:53
But it was a little bit older. So obviously my. My mommy and daddy couldn't, you know, couldn't be there with my little blankie and my. My soother, you know, like. But it's.

00:26:07
You had that, right? You had that support. Right. That just proves my whole point of your innate confidence. Now we can go down another rabbit hole, right?

00:26:19
Yes. Because so this is.

00:26:26
Listen. Yeah, but it's very true. Yes. My mom had my back. And this is where I want to go back to, like what we were just talking about.

00:26:35
When it comes to coaches knowing your players, this is the conversation. As you said, we got into a disagreement. Even Though it was like such a little disagreement. But I mean, yeah, I wasn't. Nothing straight.

00:26:45
No, no, no. But it's funny the way. The way you prefaced it. But what did I say to you as what I think, like, as a foundation, this is what. Where we need to.

00:26:55
And you were like, well, wait, but we need to. You need. You're. You just jumped to 10. And I was like, no, I didn't.

00:26:59
We need to educate. Because what Montgomery did for himself and what we did from him at a young age, we would talk to the coaches first. We would usually. And it wasn't when he was young. Young, because we didn't.

00:27:11
It was really until he was able to advocate himself. So I would say, like, middle school doing that. You said it wasn't when I was young. Now, when did he start? Because obviously he doesn't play a real sport.

00:27:19
He plays soccer. So when did you. When did that advocation start? When did you say, start talking to coaches? Yeah, I'm.

00:27:26
Because I'm. I'm thinking it was when we were in Darian, so probably when he was like, you know, it was when. So this is interesting, and I don't think I've ever talked about this, but this is when school started getting really hard. He was in Southport and his level of soccer went to the next level and he wasn't the star anymore and he had to figure out how to. And he's good.

00:27:50
He's not like a poor sport and everything, but it was like, all of a sudden I remember him coming home and be like, okay, now I'm not even good at soccer. Like, what the fuck? And I remember being like, oh, no, no, no. Like, that is not happening, because I will make sure. Happen.

00:28:04
And my mom, that's what she did for me because she was like, you will not take the one thing that she's confident about to this one coach. And because my mom and I just recently talked about this, it was like, no, no, no, you're not going to take the one thing that she's confident about. No, no, no, go yourself. So that was when I remember seeing, like, very clearly, okay, we need to help him be able to talk to this coach. Because now that.

00:28:24
Or was that a little bit younger? No, that's middle school. So that was like, Right, So he went to Southport. Third, fourth. So he went.

00:28:31
Well, a little younger than middle school. So some middle schools are fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth. Yeah, that's true. You, you, you American things. Yeah, so we were like.

00:28:40
It was like fifth, sixth grade. Because it was right before we moved to Connect. I mean, right before we moved out east full time. Our middle schools, six some is fifth. Still considered.

00:28:54
Because I've never heard of Mel. I went to k to 8, so I literally. I never heard of middle school in my life. You're going to middle school? Until my kids were getting old.

00:29:04
What's middle school? Yeah, so some middle school is 6, 7, 8. And some are just 7, 8. Like, some are just considered still elementary. Right.

00:29:15
Well, so, like, where I grew up, it was fifth, sixth, seventh, and then they made an upper elementary. So younger elementary was kindergarten, first, second, third. Upper elementary was fourth, fifth, sixth, and then middle school, seventh. And. Yeah, but.

00:29:28
Yes. So in that. But like 10, 11 around there. So, like, if you take the age. And that's when it was like, okay, we need to start helping you.

00:29:37
Because now the level of soccer got to another level. Remember I said to you, I was like, I had someone, and I think it was one of my sisters was like, oh, yeah, Soccer, I heard, was one of the most difficult for someone with dyslexic. And I was like, what? I was like, well, why would you tell me that? Because her son had a hard time with it.

00:29:54
And he even still talks about, like. He's like, I couldn't get certain plays down because of my dyslexia, but he wouldn't ask. Remember when we talked to Bradley and Montgomery? This is it. Bradley was like, I didn't want to be the kid that had to ask those questions.

00:30:06
I didn't. And so he wasn't as confident. Montgomery was like, I'm not losing this. Right. This is where I feel good.

00:30:12
I need. But, you know, I'll go back to 100% again. And you. And you were able to instill that, you know, somehow. Right, Right, right, right.

00:30:21
Like, this is a good feel. You need to talk. So 100. Yes. Recognize.

00:30:25
Because, like, Bradley and myself still to this day, if I go to a cash register, if I'll go to a tip or I go to pay for, like, a restaurant or something, if. If they. I think that they've messed up now, if it's a couple dollars, ten bucks, let's say I won't ask. I won't say, hey, I think you messed up. No, no, I.

00:30:57
I still won't. I won't do it. Yeah. So I. If I probably lost a lot of money by, you know, somebody making a mistake, probably.

00:31:07
But I will not question that. You know, I guess question is the right way to say, I won't ask. Hey, I think you made a mistake. You know, Elizabeth show. You know, Ray, man, she'll calculate, not me.

00:31:20
If I think that, you know, say it's three for five bucks or whatever and I got two for yo. Yeah, I won't. I won't because I'm afraid that they're going to say, no, no, I'm right and you're wrong. And again, it sounds worse than is. But I won't question.

00:31:37
No, I, I've never had that advocation. Right. So I'm still. Yeah, but Brent, I. In those situations, I don't either.

00:31:45
Oh, my God. I've. I. And anytime the check comes, I get so sweaty and my mouth gets watery every single time. I have to calc calculate anything that comes with money or tips.

00:31:54
I like, like even before, like a convenience store, four gummies for a dollar or whatever it is, whatever that mistake is. Or I won't, you know, now for. If you're talking. We're talking thousands or talking big numbers. Yeah.

00:32:09
Right. I still don't have the confidence to. To ask a question. Maybe because I'm afraid to make a mistake. Yeah.

00:32:18
That. I made that mistake. Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, sir. No, this is not.

00:32:22
I'm not Most people like, okay. Oh, no problem. My fault. No, I won't. Yeah, no, I, I hear you on that too.

00:32:32
I, you know, so it's. I never had, you know, I mean, the sports. Yo. You taught him to bell to be okay, to advocate for himself. Yeah.

00:32:47
You know, and we, we always know it feels good. Maybe sometimes it doesn't know what, what we're doing to get that feeling, you know, is that confident. That's the self esteem, you know, in certain ways. But I couldn't go to coach. You know, you see, you.

00:33:06
You install that into him. Yeah. And. And I have to say there is every time I would say, like, okay, how did it go? And he'd be like, oh, they know their brother's dyslexic or they struggled or this and that.

00:33:20
It's always been a really good thing. And I think if it went the other way, like, if it was a coach that didn't understand, it could have went completely sideways. Right. So, like, I'm not saying every single time, like, but he did have two coaches in a very, very important time because then he fractured his pelvises and remember, he had to then go back and win his spot like 15 different times, you know, he had to. Really.

00:33:44
Well, I, you know. Yeah. I don't know if I should, you know, so in 2000, here, you know, in Chicago, 2009, I think it was, you know, so our coach got fired four games in, and a guy named Joel Cornville came in. He'd been in the league for years. He won Stanley Cup.

00:34:06
You know, I coached against him. I think I was the only guy in the team he knew. He came in and there's another guy, Mark Bergevan, who I played against. They ended up paying me. December, at the end of December.

00:34:23
So he came in October. They said, you know, the GM called me, said, either you have season ending. I had elbow problems. Either have season ended surgery, or we're going to send you to the minors. So obviously I took the.

00:34:37
I took the surgery, had it like beginning of January. That's when I was gonna say, is that the pin? Yeah, they cut the tendons off my elbow. And that's the one I stayed awake for and reattached with screws. And I was in a.

00:34:50
You know, I was in a cast for 12 weeks, I think it was. So I missed that whole year. So I had to come back in 2010. They had me. They didn't want me on the team.

00:35:06
Oh, it's fucking terrible. They wanted me to go down to the minors, you know, which is the Rockford. I had to remake the team. Right. So you talk about, you know, Montgomery.

00:35:17
I had to come the year we won the Stanley Cup. I had to come back in at age was I, 33. 30. Come on, older than that, you know. Yeah.

00:35:31
4, 35 maybe. And. And we had to make the team again. They wanted me. They wanted nothing to do me, you know, Joe Quinville.

00:35:43
I know everybody talks about a great coach. You know, he's a. He was a dick. I can't. Couldn't stand him.

00:35:48
Yeah, we want to stand the cup with them. And I had to, you know, I had to rename, literally remake the team. And that's like. But that's where people don't understand, like in professional sports, like, oh, you know, like, it's. It's your livelihood and like those kind of.

00:36:06
Those kind of situations. That's like. So, like. And. And then everyone thinks, oh, you have it all.

00:36:13
Like, think about the stress that that is at all times, especially because you knew you were like, I'm not. I don't want to go into the real world. Right. I don't know what the real world is. I haven't been in the real world since I was 16.

00:36:27
I mean, like, I was. I was never in the real world. Right. Right. I went from, you know, playing Hockey, I went from, you know, obviously junior, I left home.

00:36:37
Sixteen juniors, you know, getting drafted, finishing that, going pro, you know, pro. I never. I never entered the real world, right? So I finally entered it at. I was at 39, almost 40 years old when I entered it.

00:36:53
So I never was in that real world. And it's a scary, you know, it's. It's a scary place, especially doing it at 40. I mean, that's. Especially during a 40, right?

00:37:04
That's. That's what. That's the biggest difference for me was, you know, these are things that we usually. Dyslexics, ADHD, all this post with, you know, the five Ds, we learned these bumps in the roads. When we're 21, 22, 23, when we're resilient, when we're young, you know, you know, everything going, you know, we're just starting our life, right?

00:37:30
It's easy for us to get knocked down, get back up, right? But it's not so easy now, like trying to get out of bed at 48. Now, it ain't easy, you know, right. When I was 18, I could pop up, drink all night long, sleep for an hour, going down, have my best game, blah, blah, blah. No, they can't, you know, we cannot.

00:37:49
So it's entering the real world, you know, at 40 with no. With no support, you know, no support behind me with work, with my 5Ds with, you know, with what I just did. It was all. It was all ripped out from under me. And you do the same thing as a coach.

00:38:19
You rip the rug underneath. From a kid 6 years old, 7 years old, 8 years old. When you approach them, if you're not doing your job. And I always say there's difference between a coach and a teacher.

00:38:38
Do you want to teach these kids? That's what you should. That's what you're supposed to be doing, teaching these kids how to get better. And most of these coaches and hockey and, you know, here in Illinois, coaches are awful. Most of these programs, they don't teach, they just try and win.

00:38:55
You know, Varga, this guy in Michigan just want in mission. You know, he's a piece of. You want to win, you know, you want to live vicariously. I got a trophy. Great.

00:39:06
It's a lot of the. It's. It's a lot of. There's so much responsibility with being a coach that is not really talked about. And I think as you just said, it's like vicariously living through things.

00:39:20
I mean, listen, we all do it we're not saying that it's wrong or right. I mean, you know, my kid giving up lacrosse, I was like, I wanted back those feelings that I had in high school, which I was like, oh, I didn't think I was doing that. I thought it was pretty good. Okay, maybe I was like, I wanted her to experience that good feels that I had. Right.

00:39:37
So you get coaches that either want that or they want to try to re. Kind of make what they didn't have, what they kind of lost. And they don't think about the actual kids that they're getting involved with. They don't think about sometimes it. You know, there's.

00:39:52
There's a lot. All kids, everyone has their traumas, their baggage and these things. And if you're not willing to be like, sit in the trenches with each of those kids to get to understand them, to be able to earn the respect, I mean, that's what, to me makes a winning team. You don't have to have all the best talent, but you get kids that all respect and like each other and understand each other and then have that same respect with the coach. You're going to go way farther than just having, you know, kids that are like, yeah, I'm here for X, Y and Z.

00:40:21
Can you. Brent, I think it would be really important for you to kind of talk about a little bit of. Because we've. You've done work with. And I don't know if I can talk about it, so I'm kind of talking.

00:40:35
I'm not making any fucking sense. It's not because I have a candy hangover. It's because I don't know if I can speak about this yet, but you've done some documentation where you've helped bigger organizations with. Okay, thanks. I was like, jump out what I'm saying in helping with.

00:40:58
Because not everyone we've. We've uncovered this. If you guys have been listening. Not everyone knows they're dyslexic. Not everyone knows how to work with the dyslexic, ADHD, any of the five Ds, right.

00:41:07
So you helped put a documentation together of kind of like as a coach and as a parent and as a player. These are the things that really should be kind of top of mind. Do you want to talk a little bit about that? Yeah, I gotta follow up and then, you know, see where at that was. That was.

00:41:23
I was going through the legal system, their legal entity. If you know, can this all be said and how, you know all that stuff, you know, it's the same thing as teachers. You know, I. You know, they don't all understand. Very few understand dyslexia.

00:41:46
Right. Very few understand adhd. Very few understand dysgraphia. Very few understand the. Very few understand the five Ds.

00:41:56
And same thing with coaches. Right. You know, I had one coach, I had. This was a couple years ago. I had a family reach out to me.

00:42:05
The kid was adhd, and the kid was, you know, when they're at the board telling them what to do, he, you know, the kid would kind of spin. Now, leading up to that, kid's always easy, distracted. So he was making the kid dress in a separate room by himself.

00:42:29
The parents said they want. They wanted the kid. The coach wanted to kick the kid off the team.

00:42:38
And I said to the coach, I'm like, is he. He's listening in his way. I said, first off, is he bothering anybody? No. Now, if he was just shooting a puck against the wall or a ball or, you know, basketball balancing while he's talking.

00:42:55
No, no, he can't do that right now. You're interrupting everybody. Yep. But he wasn't doing that. You know, it's kind of spinning.

00:43:02
You know what we do, we're listening. We listen in our own way. If you want us to sit there like this, we got to sit, focus. Same thing in the classroom. So.

00:43:14
So still that we have no idea what you're saying. You're talking different language. So he wanted to kick this kid off the team. You know, I had, you know, a family in Florida baseball. Oh, kid was.

00:43:33
Had an old school coach. Dad was sitting right behind the backstop screaming at the kid. Then I. I kind of snapped. And dad, I'm like, if I hear you do this, I'll find you and I'll kick the.

00:43:44
Out of you. Yeah. I got mad. I go, he's like, he shows up every time he, you know, he shows up in a shell. I said, you've got off.

00:43:55
Stop yelling at the kid. So he. The dad end up sitting in the outfield away from it. And I got a call from the one. The how Through a guy knew.

00:44:07
He's like, I don't know what you did, but the dad's on outfield, and this kid is hitting home runs and flying around like, I've never seen a place so good. So it wasn't the dad's fault at all that she thought that's what worked.

00:44:28
Now the coach wants to kick. Kick the kid off the team. You would have killed. You would have broken the kid. But.

00:44:35
And I'll say this, he didn't understand it. Right now, the parents don't think knew how to advocate for the kid because they, they were still trying to figure it out because they won't. Like yourself. This is where the ornate confidence I always talk about is. You had that support you just talked about.

00:45:02
Your mom had your support. Right, right. You knew you had somebody there. Yeah, yeah. And that's what built you.

00:45:11
So Montgomery was able to advocate, you know, you advocated for him. He built them. Myself, you know, these kids didn't, didn't have that because the parents don't know. They, they're still learning. They're still trying to understand, you know, if you're newly diagnosed.

00:45:28
Right. Yeah. Like, what do we do? Where do we go? Right, right.

00:45:33
And the other thing is, I think it's so important that you just brought it up because there's also, like, we are not parents that like helicopter or go and are like, we need to touch base with the coach. Like, we let our kids, like, we don't, we don't want to be, that we don't need. We have our enough things that go on in our own lives that we don't want to be micromanaging. So that's the other reason. It's like, let's give the kids.

00:45:52
But one of the things that you said, I think is really important, and this is what Montgomery found, is that what he would say to the coach was, when you're telling me to do something, if you're yelling at me from the sidelines or doing something in practice, and I seem like I'm not listening, I am listening. I'm just processing. And it might take me a second, but it might seem like I'm not listening to you. And that's what used to happen to me all the time. Right.

00:46:15
That's happened to all attention deficit dyslexic kids because we're, we're, we have a different processing system. So the fact that Montgomery was able to say that to the coaches and then the coach knew, okay, in the next play, he would pull Montgomery because he was striker. He'd pull him and be like, this is what I want you to do. And he would show him. So he had this one coach that really got it.

00:46:36
He was a teacher. And so, but he also played soccer. And so he, he had a, just a whole different kind of understanding. But that really helped Montgomery be like, now I'm going to start advocating for myself in different ways. Right.

00:46:50
That could have went like, So I, I, I want to be clear, didn't have that teacher or that coach, right? No. So this is the thing. So that's why, like I'm saying, like some parent might say, well, we did that and our kid got ridiculed. Right.

00:47:02
And it went the complete opposite way. And now we tell no one. Yeah, that's going to happen too. And that sucks. And I'm so sorry.

00:47:08
That's like, that's not what. That's where it's. So there's such a fine line. And that's why we do what we're doing. Because if we can talk more about it and people can hear more about it, maybe someone will get knowledge and then be like, oh, okay, so the more, you know, power through knowledge.

00:47:29
Now knowledge is power, right? We always say that. I just switch that. But as you said, like it could. Kid could advocate, Montgomery could have advocated and this could be a whole different conversation if it did not go that way.

00:47:43
But, you know, you're right. But you, you gave him the knowledge, the power and the words. Yeah. Say 100%. Because in the beginning we would do it with him, right?

00:47:55
We would have him stand around where some parents, like, I have a very good friend, she's like, her kid's dyslexic and she doesn't use the word because she's like, why does it need a label? Blah, blah, blah. And I keep telling her it might actually make him feel better because he'll be like, oh, I get it. So they always keep it secret. He's not dumb.

00:48:10
He can hear you guys whispering, right? He can hear the things. And that's my point. That's where you know, and your mom did that for you. That's why you have your so called ornate confidence.

00:48:21
What do you mean so called? It's not so called. It's called, it's called ornate confidence. But you got it put into your house because. Right.

00:48:30
I had someone, right, advocating for me early. It could be broken or it could be flourished a hundred percent. And, and here's the thing. The fact that these people found you and at the right time, you know, I'm going to unicorn it. But it is, there's always reasons for things.

00:48:51
I believe that so much because. Well, the other thing is that coach, who is a hall of fame coach, also said to you, holy, you're a really good coach. Would you have known. But you've been in situations also where it's not the right organization, it's not right. The right families, it's not the right, it's not the right certain things for You.

00:49:09
And so it's like, you use sports, you know, it's used business now. Yeah, it's. It's so funny, you know. You know, I had how many parents I. You've never been on the ice, but you're going to tell me what needs to be done?

00:49:26
I. I still can't remember. Yeah, I know. And I still. I would.

00:49:31
Every time you would come home and say. And I'd be like, wait, but do they understand now? Listen, I know not every player is a good coach. I get that. We've talked about that.

00:49:39
I would not be a good coach in certain aspects. That's not the way I saw the field. You are a really good coach. Like, there's no, there's not. This.

00:49:47
This is not that case. But the fact when you would come home and you. And I'd be like, wait, did any. Did these people even play hockey? And you're like, no, no, they didn't.

00:49:55
And I'm like. And they have the balls to sit there. Wow, you're. You're that special? That's fucking special.

00:50:05
That's crazy. But so the fact that you're able, though, to really be around this. This kid. And I want to go back to what we were just saying. So, like, what are some things that.

00:50:16
If a coach or parent or a player is listening to this, what are some of the things that you would suggest to them as they're kind of continuing their career or. Or in a shitty situation? Well, you know, and you. Then you said, it's. You have to understand what you need.

00:50:37
You know, how do you get your information the best. You know, now I can look back, right. You know, 48 years old now, now it makes sense to me why I was doing what I was doing back then, because I didn't have any understanding. So it's. You have to understand that.

00:50:59
So.

00:51:02
And those words. Yo. Montgomery said, yo, I may not seem like I'm paying attention. I'm just processing. Like, those are great.

00:51:13
Those are really great words. Yep. Right. Because most people don't use the word processing. Right.

00:51:22
Right. What are you doing? You look like you lost. You're not paying attention. Right.

00:51:27
Very, very rarely does that word processing, you know, so, you know, he used, you know, he's great words, you know, understand how you need the information. Yeah, I know. And that's no different in school or in sports, you know? Yeah. How do you absorb it?

00:51:45
You know, is it a presentation? Is it it visual? Is it audio? Is it both? Do you need to, you know, for an example, hockey do you need to hear it?

00:51:55
Hear him say it? You need to see him draw it? Then do you need to see him do it? Like, these are all things that you need to ask for, you know? But you can ask for things that you don't understand.

00:52:08
You know, I would say, thank God, playing hockey, like, if I didn't. Weren't able to see the videos, you know, we had vhs, but we always watch video. Or on the whiteboard. I. I need to do this and this.

00:52:22
I need to see it. Show me. Show me what you need me to do. Don't tell me what you need me to do. Show me what you need me to do.

00:52:31
Yeah. How many times? Because this also just brought. Brought me back to a thought. When.

00:52:38
And if. I don't know if you still do it, I don't as much, but there's times where I will. Where someone will say something, and you say, what? Or. And.

00:52:49
And then they say it, and you answer, and they're like, why did you say what? I'm like, sorry. It's like a. I used to do that so much as a kid. And even, like, when the kids were little, if Hahn and I were like.

00:53:01
If there was chaos and he was saying something, I'd be like, what? And then I would answer, and he was like, what? You didn't. Why'd you say what? You heard me.

00:53:07
And I'm like, sorry. I. And I was processing. Processing it. And so we use that because I'm a slow processor in some things, but that's ADD and dyslexia, right?

00:53:18
That is one of the things that happens. And so the sooner that we can understand that and the sooner as a kid can understand that, that it's just taking them a second because the words are going in. Some people can just go off and do that, but the words are going in, and you're like, your. Your brain's trying to figure out where. What's my next step, Right?

00:53:40
It's so important, you know? And that's. You see interviews all the time, you know? You know, it's trying to process, or we're trying to find the right words. It.

00:53:50
And it's okay. Hey, I'm just trying to process what you said.

00:53:57
All right, perfect. Now, if somebody gets mad at you for that, all right, you know where you stand in that total job, that relationship, that school, that team, you know, it's okay to say those things, right? You're just trying to understand that. And whoever says that, if they come back and say, what's wrong with you? Or they make fun of you or they say something.

00:54:21
All right? Then you probably know that's. That's a place you don't need to be.

00:54:28
And, and processing it comes in all different, you know, how people processes their emotions. Some people need to sit and think, right? I mean, that's again, we can. And we, we do talk about this. This, a lot of the stuff we talk about then also can go into relationships, you know, because you could be having a discussion with your partner and your partner needs to sit and think on it, where you're someone that's like, no, I need to get it, I need to come to.

00:54:55
But I'm the type of person any biggest says, let me sleep on it. No, no, now. Right, exactly. And that's, I mean, Hahn is like a processor. He.

00:55:05
We have a conversation, whether it's a disagreement and he has to process it, then we talk about it. I need to fuck like second it's in my head and it's bothering me. It's out my mouth. And then I'm okay, I've already processed it. I'm like, okay, we're good.

00:55:17
And he's like, no, I need to process it. I need to take a day. And I'm like, ah, I'm already done with it. Right. Elizabeth's like, I work any big decisions, they know I'm not going to make it.

00:55:27
I got to sleep on it. Yeah, but that's great that she knows that. Right? But this is also where, like relationships, this is where it's so important. Coaches, teachers, like, as humans, the more self aware we are of how we process and how we process emotions, you know, language, all of it, the better off in life we're going to be because the more we can advocate for ourselves.

00:55:48
So that is why, and that's why you love yourself, to be able to be okay with that. Look how we just turned that all around. And that's why self esteem is number one thing for the foundation, right? Because if you don't love yourself, you can't be okay with, hey, you know, I need a day or I need to sleep on it, or, you know, give me a second, I'm processing this. We won't say that, right?

00:56:14
It's very important. And it is, it seems like it's a small thing, but it really, it seems, seems like it's a small thing when you just say it in a phrase. But it's so complex. And the sooner that that complexity can be targeted and the sooner we understand ourselves because we love ourselves and move forward, the more Whole of a human. We're going to be.

00:56:36
And be able to be able to advocate for ourselves. Right. You know, and that's a hard word to say. I need, you know, I need time to process it. And then whatever that ends up being for that, you know, for that person that's, I mean, you're growing.

00:56:53
It means that you understand yourself and a lot of people never, ever get there. So, you know, that's, you know, that's. That's a big step to. To be able to advocate, you know, for what you need. Yep.

00:57:05
And I'm going to take it one step further, and then we're gonna. We're gonna end this. But it's funny because as much as, like, directions on a sports field, like, I would take time to process that, but there's things that are so innate, and I'm good at that, and I understand that. I don't need the processing. Right.

00:57:24
So, like, if we think about this, if we actually really wanted to get into the brain, like, so, okay, this is the drill I need you to do. They say it. I don't understand it. Or in science. Right.

00:57:34
This is how this works. It takes me a second to process because I don't understand it. So I need my brain to sit there to understand it for me to then move forward and then either do it or write it or say it or, you know, kind of act it out. But when it comes to conversations or emotions or when something with communications, I can be like, no, I understand how I feel. I can process this right away and go where someone else is like, well, wait, I need time to do that.

00:58:03
But they don't need time on the other end. That's what you're good at, right? No. So, yeah, when you're good at something, you're confident in something. It's easy.

00:58:16
Right. When it's, you know, when you. Something new. Right. It's not confidence, it's new.

00:58:24
It's different. Takes time. That's why I always talk about when I'm coaching hockey, you know, if it feels right, it's wrong. Like what? Because I'm trying to get you to do something different.

00:58:37
So it's got to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable. And you can't do something at 100 uncomfortable because you're automatically going to go back to what feels right. Yep. So we got to feel uncomfortable at 10% to build to get it to feel comfortable.

00:58:52
You know, it's so it's. You're. When you're good at something. Yeah. You're quick at it.

00:58:58
But when you're not that. And that's when it's hard for us to say just like telling somebody no. Oh, that's hard because we're just trying to be fit in and trying to do this. Yeah. No, it's, it's so true.

00:59:19
And it's, it is all of these. It's again, the self awareness and loving ourselves and the self confidence. Everything we talk about comes back to that. And that's why that's what's the number one thing for the sofa foundation. You don't have that.

00:59:39
You know, you plant a flower if you don't water it.

00:59:48
Oh, look. We'll leave it at that. Thank you for joining another episode of Word blindness. Dyslexia exposed. You know what to do.

00:59:56
I say it every fucking time. Like rate, review and share. And we will see you for another episode next week.