S3E28: Unraveling the ADHD and Dyslexia Journey - From Struggles to Success, with Dr. Jacob Santhouse

Dr. Jacob Santhouse is a dyslexic, optimistic, and naturally curious person, and those are the characteristics he brings to his work as a coach. He brings a wealth of experience from hours spent studying dyslexia, listening to people, and intentionally working to better understand the ways that dyslexia impacts the daily life of dyslexics.

Are you curious about a surprising way to manage ADHD symptoms? Have you ever noticed that the impact of pregnancy on ADHD symptoms can be quite unexpected? Let's dive into this fascinating topic! Are you ready to uncover something new?

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:02 - Introduction and Special Guest 

00:04:57 - Personal Experience with Dyslexia 

00:07:15 - Texting and Communication Preferences 

00:09:59 - Homeschooling and Work Experience 

00:11:41 - Challenges with Reading and Spelling 

00:12:00 - Childhood Mischiefs 

00:14:05 - Brent's Diagnosis and Foundation 

00:15:39 - The Hidden Cost of Learning Differences 

00:17:57 - Neurodiversity and Advocacy 

00:22:31 - Bringing Attention to Dyslexia 

00:23:39 - Misunderstandings about Neurodiversity 

00:25:39 - Journey to Becoming a Licensed Counselor 

00:29:14 - Embracing Dyslexia and Niche Specialization 

00:32:51 - Exploring the Five Ds and Personal Reflection 

00:35:39 - Diagnosis and treatment of ADHD 

00:36:56 - Understanding ADHD and dyslexia 

00:39:04 - Impact of life stage factors 

00:40:12 - Aging and impact on ADHD 

00:46:03 - Pregnancy and ADHD 

00:47:56 - Physical changes during pregnancy 

00:49:20 - Effects of homeopathy on medication 

00:53:29 - Benefits of breastfeeding 

00:55:18 - The significance of physical closeness 

00:59:41 - Embracing Self-Acceptance 

01:00:04 - Overcoming Negative Messages 

01:00:36 - Impact of Negative Feedback 

01:00:46 - Understanding the 5D's 

01:01:25 - Call to Action

 

Transcript:

00:00:02
Welcome back to Word Blindness, Dyslexia Exposed. This is Juliet Hahn here with Brent Sopel and a very. With who? Yeah. Can I say that?

00:00:11
Weird. Yeah. That was so weird. You must have been on holidays for a couple days. Okay, then I'll take that back with Brent Sopel, my co host.

00:00:21
And we have a very special guest, Dr. Jacob. And I should have asked you how you said your last name, but I'm going to say it and let's just see if I say it right. Sand House. Yes. Santas.

00:00:32
Oh, wow. I did get it. And I didn't listen to your YouTube, so I just was gonna. I sounded it out. Who.

00:00:39
Dr. Sound House. I'm gonna say. Should we call you Jacob? Dr. Jacob. Jacob.

00:00:43
Jacob is good. Jacob is in a. In a thunderstorm. So you'll hear that. Yes.

00:00:50
Well, usually. Usually. Don't those happen in the afternoon in Florida? They do. This one, this one caught us by surprise.

00:00:56
I was not expecting it. It was bright and sunny, as it usually is, and then suddenly it was. It was not funny how that works. I mean, I can. If I look out my window, I see blue sky.

00:01:07
So whatever that means. It's just bringing us a little extra noise and little extra. Which is perfect because we have so much to talk about. But I just want to also let people know they can go to. Your Instagram is where we found you, because Brett and I basically send your posts back and forth to each other all the time, being like, yes, before we actually connected.

00:01:28
But they can find you on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. You an awesome job breaking down. We call it the 5Ds. We'll tell you why we don't like the word neurodiversity, and then you can decide your opinion that. But Dr. Jacob, Sand House is just like that on instagram.

00:01:44
And it's olive counseling.com. correct. And you can. You can state the. The states that you practice in.

00:01:51
Because I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go through that. But we just. I thank you, first of all, because as I said, we really do. A lot of people that talk about dyslexia are not dyslexic.

00:02:03
And it annoys the fuck out of us. Excuse me. Now my Jersey girl is going to come out. Now you're going to own it. Now I'm going to own it.

00:02:11
And it drives us nuts. And we're like, oh, my gosh. But when you started and we found you, I don't remember who sent the first one, but we Were both like, he gets it. And then we're like, oh, my gosh. And he's also dyslexic, so.

00:02:23
And I think you have some of the other five Ds, because I did see your discalculia. I like to call it dyscalculia. Um, I call it something different every time I say it. My. My wife is my editor and also the person who, like, does a lot of my posting, and I did two videos about it, and she was like, you know, you said it very differently between both.

00:02:43
And I was like, I didn't, but I'm not shocked, right? It's. I always, I say, you know, dyscalcula just to make it easier for people to kind of, kind of reference it, make it, oh, graphic dysgraphia, writing, dyscalculia. You know, that's just calculia. It just sounds bad.

00:03:03
It sounds bad. But we used to say dyscalculia until we had. We were talking to a doctor, and he kept saying dyscalculia. And I was like, what are you saying? And he said, I'm talking about dyscalculia.

00:03:13
And I was like, oh, I call it dyscalculia. It's spelled the same way, I think. I mean, it sounds, you know, but we could go through that all the time. I would. Frank, do you have anything that you want to start with?

00:03:24
Because I do have one thing that I want to start with that I think. Why would you ask me to start then? Well, because I didn't. The thunder. Since when?

00:03:31
This is how this goes. I didn't know if you had anything pressing. You got real close and leaned in, and I know when you leaned back, it's like you're just ready to listen. So I was taking your cue. Oh, look at you.

00:03:44
You must have had a long weekend.

00:03:49
It was a long weekend. It was a very nice weekend. However, Jacob, one of the things that you sent today, I think it was your Instagram, from all I know is it popped up this morning, so I didn't look at the date, but you talked about texting and dyslexia and the way that you do it. I actually do it a totally different way, but Brent does it the same way. So I would, if you could kind of dive into that so people can understand, and then you guys can go back and forth, and then I can tell you how I do mine.

00:04:17
So I, I have two versions. There's the one version where it's time consuming, but I, I, I will type out something and Then proofread it. And if I'm really. If I really have time, I might actually send it through, like, an AI Thing to just double check, and then I'll send it off. Or I do a very fast.

00:04:34
Just. I have something. I put words into the text, and I send it off, and it's usually decently full of mistakes. And as soon as I send either of those, suddenly it's like, oh, now I can see. Now I see what's missing or what's wrong there.

00:04:49
But neither. Neither is a perfect approach. But, yeah, those are my. My two main. Main approaches to testing.

00:04:57
Juliet, why don't you explain what you like to do? Because everybody loves to hear it. So I am a big voice texter. Ooh, I'm a big fan of that. Yeah.

00:05:10
Just in general life. Yes. Now, not everyone in my life loves a voice text. I have a lot of. I have.

00:05:16
I think the people closest to me are like, please, I hear you all day. I don't need a voice text. Like, my husband will not even listen to a voice text. Neither will my kids. And when I met Brent very quickly, he was like, no, I don't.

00:05:29
Just call me. What is this? And I was like, oh, all right. Okay. So I don't always text it with him.

00:05:34
He's like my dyslexic burden. And I have to. So ours are usually. There's like, misspellings, but we can figure. Out, like, five minutes long.

00:05:42
Not all of them. I can do a short voice. Like. The simple yes would not. You know, I don't do voice texts because Siri's racist.

00:05:52
She doesn't listen to Canada Canadian. She doesn't like my accent, so everything is wrong. But it's like, my wife and I were at Costco. She just walked by naked. So if I run off, I'll be back.

00:06:06
We said to the guy checking out, what's the average cost here? He's like, you know, 60 bucks. We're like, bullshit. We can't leave Costco spending three or 400 bucks. You can't voice text one or two words.

00:06:17
I'm going to actually show you voice texts that I do that are short. In business, we voice text because so my. My. The co founder of the company I work for, she's also dyslexic. And so we can voice text each other.

00:06:30
And I do. She will say, I learned to make it shorter. And see, see there? I have learned to make it short. Know that.

00:06:38
But if I have more to say, I cannot type it because of my dysgraphia I cannot type it. I can't get it out. And I'm like, if they can't get on the phone, I'm like, I'm sorry, you gotta get a voice text. Because this is something that we need to. To address or we need.

00:06:50
You know, it's something specially in business. It is easier to jump on the phone, and I can do that with Brent, but not everyone can jump on the phone and make it short. I'm. I'm all phone, for sure, 100%. Emails, forget about it.

00:07:04
Long text, won't even read it. I mean, maybe I hand it to my wife. Let her. Let her read it. But I. I don't voice text, Siri.

00:07:15
I spend as you. As you said, I spend more time fixing my text messages, but if they don't like it, too bad. Yeah, so. But you're talking about two different things. I only voice text that way to make the words.

00:07:27
But then I also leave an audio voice text text. So Siri is not racist to your audio voice text because Siri can't take your audio voice text and change them. You want to watch. If you send an audio text, it will actually transcribe it now. Yes.

00:07:42
Which I love. But then that's all wrong. Yeah, I get that. Then this AI stuff too, you guys use. No, I do.

00:07:50
What's wrong with this? Paper and pen like pen pals. Well, I miss those days that I. Have never been that person sending. Sending actual letters on paper.

00:08:03
I. I have a letter that's on my desk that I was supposed to send to somebody two months ago, and it's been sitting on my desk for two months. In fact, I apologized to them the other day. I was like, hey, it's still here. I'm sorry. So that's.

00:08:15
That's how I feel about paper. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead, Brian. Because no, I use. Everything I do is.

00:08:21
Is paper and pen. You know, I don't use. Like if I had an email, I can't remember anything or, you know, anything off my phone or computer. I've got to print everything, you know, everything. I have paper and pens.

00:08:36
I've got boards over here. You know, when I'm getting ready for my golf event or whatever, I get all over my walls, you know, written down, paper and pen. Who's doing what and going where, because I can't, you know, and then that my printer for my merchandise gets pissed off me. Is cannot. Can you not put this in y' all an easier form than this?

00:08:55
So I can copy and paste. I'm like, no, this is. This is how I do it. But he's also dysgraphic. And so it's.

00:09:03
It's. I was like, there's so many interesting things because I used to be that way when I learned in college, I had to write everything down. And then somewhere in my corporate world, like when that Palm Pilot came out, I was. My brain was able to kind of. I still have it in my closet, by the way.

00:09:19
Palm Pilots. I have my Palm Pilot. Yeah, I have like all old pictures. Yeah, whatever. Oh, I wonder why you have.

00:09:25
Still have it. She's.

00:09:31
But so I was able to kind of. My brain was able to adjust, I believe, into using not. And now sometimes if I have to write, I get more frustrated because I can't, you know, the spelling and then the. My. Yeah.

00:09:46
So I think that it's. Again with the dyslexia. It's so interesting. And the five Ds, how everyone's brain works. Can you take us through a little bit when you were diagnosed and how you got into the world?

00:09:59
Oh, okay. I like that. That. So I have not been officially diagnosed, which I feel very self conscious about. I was told as a little kid, you're dyslexic.

00:10:12
And that was kind of always my reality. I don't actually remember a time in my life where I was not told that. And for me, that. That involved like, a lot of. A lot of time.

00:10:25
I was also homeschooled, so it involved a lot of time just working on school. Like, school was my life. So much of what I remember being a kid was sitting at a desk, like in a classroom in our house, because my mom. My mom is a schoolteacher by trade, and so she structured our homeschool as if it was school, like, in a classroom. I have four siblings.

00:10:45
Like, were. Were all your siblings homeschooled, too? They were until. So I'm the fourth out of five. My oldest two siblings.

00:10:55
And my parents gave me this option too when I got to high school, but they went to high school for the last two years. But I didn't, because when I got to that point, I started working, like, working for people. So my. Like my senior year of high school, there was a guy who lived really close to where I lived, and it was an older guy. He was a carpenter by trade, and he gutted his basement, and so I did that with him and we gutted it down to a concrete box and then rebuilt the whole thing.

00:11:21
And so, like, that's. That's what I would do. I would do School for a little while and then do that most of the day. And I loved that. I was just going to say you enjoyed that.

00:11:30
That was. That was a great experience. Like that. That was. I think I probably learned more from doing that than I learned from school in my senior year.

00:11:41
But most of what I remember from being younger was I would. I would take a lot longer than everybody else to read things. It's terrible at spelling. There would be a lot of times where it's like, okay, we're going to read this out loud. Jacob's going to read it, because Jacob needs more practice, which I understand the rationale.

00:12:00
That was painful. That was hard. But there were also really funny things. Like, there's a classic story in our family where at one point my mom sent me and one of my sisters off to go read for 45 minutes. And I somehow convinced my sister, hey, if.

00:12:13
If you do my reading and your reading, it'll go way faster. And so we finished our 45 minutes of reading in half an hour. And my mom was like, what? Why are we back? I was like, well, we read it all.

00:12:23
She read it all. It worked. Right? Right. But, like, a lot of.

00:12:28
A lot of my childhood was spent either in school or we lived in Colorado in a pretty rural area. And so I spent a lot of time just outside. And I think that was actually, like, it was lonely. But I think that because of that, I actually missed out on a lot of the negative experiences that I probably would have. I would have had otherwise.

00:12:48
Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, and also, if you had a different household, it could. You still could have had negative experiences.

00:12:55
Right. But you had, like a loving, understanding household that understood, okay, this is how you learn. So we're gonna do this differently, which is, you know, it's. It fascinates us both because of, you know, we obviously all had different experiences. I wasn't diagnosed until later, but, you know, I was told I was just the dumb athlete girl where Brent was the dumb athlete boy, you know, and so it's.

00:13:20
It is. You think about self. I mean, that's the foundation. Everything's about self esteem. Right.

00:13:27
It's a. When you. If you can capture that self esteem at an early age, you're going to have that kid have a fighting chance at life, really, and as a successful life. And that's, you know, the reason why Brent started the foundation when he did. And Brent, if you want to go.

00:13:39
I don't. Jacob, I don't know if you know a little bit about his story.

00:13:45
I did a Little digging and I read, I read a little bit so I know enough to ask questions. But not an expert. Yeah, no. And sometimes it's fun. Like I love like meeting people and not knowing their story because I love the kind of questions that come up.

00:13:58
So Brent, if you want to Curious George.

00:14:05
She wants. She asked questions about everything. I love questions. That's how I learned. Love questions.

00:14:12
Yeah. I didn't find out until I was 32. I was like, I got my daughter tested here in Chicago. So that's, you know, I was reading at a grade four level in high school and just passed me along because who I was. Right.

00:14:24
You're going to play hockey. You're going to play in NHL. And luckily enough, you know, I lucky enough I did. But you know, at what cost? And once the game game ended like, ah, now what?

00:14:37
You know, couldn't. Had no work experience, had no education, couldn't do a resume. Nobody hired me. And so I did what I do best, you know, hit drugs and alcohol and damn, those are fun days. Don't feel that pain but start of the foundation.

00:14:55
So no kid feels the way I do every day, you know. You know, and fourth, we actually ended up meeting a family. We're in at a party for a little bit. Their kid goes to CPS and you know, dyslexic, can't get help. And it's been a two years, you know, two year fight, you know, so.

00:15:11
It'S.

00:15:15
Obviously being the second most common thing in the. Probably the least talked about, you know. So at the end of the day it's trying to make sure, you know, we always say kid in the chair is who we're fighting for. And I never want a kid to feel the way I do every day. You know, the anxiety, what I got for, you know, anxiety in life, the depression, the, you know, everything that comes with that's come with it with my life.

00:15:39
People always like, oh, but you played in NHL. I'm like, I give that up in a second. Not to have to go through what I did. Mm hmm. The suffering that happens that people never see.

00:15:54
And then they contrast it with the success that they see that they're like, well, look what you got and make assumptions. And that's. Yeah, I, you know, recently, just last month, I think we did, you know, I said at what cost?

00:16:12
You know, was one of the podcasts. Obviously we usually tape today on Mondays and everybody loves hopping out on Mondays. And my buddy says Mondays are Canadians because they all. Everybody hates Canadians. He said.

00:16:26
See, I love a Monday I know I'm weird. You park in the front spot everywhere we go. But everybody always talks about working harder. There's a point in time when you cross the barrier of not normal. Well, Johnny only has to do an hour homework, but, you know, Brent's got to do seven.

00:16:49
He still gets A's. But is that seven hours of torture worth it? Yeah, there's. There's a huge cost to that time. Yeah.

00:17:02
And you don't see. It's. It's not like you write a check and you're like, this is the cost of the time. It's. It's opportunity lost, its friendship lost, its health lost.

00:17:10
It's. It's all of these other pieces of your life that are really important, that nobody will make sure you have it. And when you have to devote all that time to doing something else, it just disappears. Right. You know, a lot of time, you know, that's late at night, right.

00:17:25
Staying up to midnight or two in the morning or four in the morning as a, you know, high school kid or whatever it is. At what cost? Now you're behind on sleep now it just. It's things that. That's, you know, that you never see.

00:17:39
And that's the torture. It's the inner torture that nobody ever sees or understands. And that's kind of why we. We talk about it the way we do, why we. We have fun, we joke, you know, we give it to each other just to let the shoulders come down and people can see, you know, kind of both sides sometimes.

00:17:57
Because, you know, I don't know about you. For us is we deal more with the parents who don't have it. That's the hardest ones because there's no understanding and it. And it's. It's.

00:18:12
You know, so we, as Brent said he was diagnosed when his daughter was diagnosed. My oldest has all of the. He has. He said he's got everything except dyspraxia. My middle son, in last year or this past year, everything goes together.

00:18:27
I actually just got him diagnosed because he was taking some AP classes, and I was like, wait a second. Why is all of a sudden things getting hard? And he's like, I don't know. And so I was like, you know what? He's dyscalculia and dysgraphic.

00:18:41
And then my daughter, who's got like, 99, like, she is mis. Academic. I'm like. But all of a sudden, she's taking APS and she's studying, and I'm like, wait, you're studying longer than I think you should. Like, this is like.

00:18:54
And so I sat with her, and I was like, why are you studying longer? Is it because you want to get 101? Which is beautiful. I think it's. You know, I didn't say this to her.

00:19:03
I think it's odd. But, like, whatever. There's. I. I know all the difference. I'm like, okay, this is your thing.

00:19:10
But why? Like, explain to me why. And she took me through her studying, and I was like, okay, can I ask you three questions? And I said, left and rights ever. She's.

00:19:19
She's not driving yet. She's 16 or gonna be 16. And then how is your. She's like, oh, I can't spell on paper. I have to write.

00:19:26
And I was like, okay, so now I don't know what degree, because obviously it runs, you know, very deep when. You get her tested. I think we already started. So two weeks. Two weeks is her first.

00:19:41
Her first test. So. But it's like one of those things. Like, my oldest was so severe. His name is Montgomery, and he's severely dysgraphic.

00:19:51
He's in college now, playing soccer. But, like, you can't say it, too. It's child abuse having a dyslexic with a name like that. Yes. My mom said when she was like, what are you naming him?

00:20:00
And she's like, honey, with all our learning disabilities, I don't think this is a good idea. And I was like, ma, I'm not gonna not name him the name that we want because of that. And then the poor little bird. I remember, and, like, when he had to, he's like, couldn't even get the M on the paper. He's a golden child.

00:20:14
So when you're speaking to her, talking about the child, that's. That's the golden child. No, he's. As I say to my kids, he's in front of the line a lot because he needs more help on stuff. Not as much because he just turned 20.

00:20:27
But when my kids take too much of my time, I tell them they're in the back of the line. I'd be like, you're in the back of the line. You're taking too much of my time. Someone else gets to be in the front, and they'll always say, well, Montgomery's been in the front for a while. And I'm like, I know.

00:20:37
Now he's in the back. I'm exhausted. I go talk to dad. This is when they were little. And so he's not the golden child he just required.

00:20:44
And because I Understood, Right? There's a lot of understanding as Brent talks about, and he just does it to mess with me. Because then I always explain, because I'm like, oh, my God, if my kids would hear this, this would be terrible. Kids ain't listening to the podcast. No, they don't want to hear your voice more.

00:21:00
No, they 100% do not want to hear my voice. But, Jacob, one of the things that I was saying to you is that neurodiversity, when that kind of came about, I remember being like, oh, okay, I get this. And then all of a sudden, I think I used it once. This is a couple years ago. And someone said to me, I didn't know you were autistic.

00:21:19
And I said, I'm not autistic. And they said, well, you said you were neurodivergent. And I was like, yeah, I think that's the word now. I think that's the word that we're using for the dyslexia and all these things. And then all of a sudden, I was like, wait a second.

00:21:30
Like, a light bulb went off. And I was like, wait, I don't like this word because there's so many. And then we started researching it, and I was like, it's just another way to put it all on, like, under one umbrella. So no one has understanding of any of it. And just being like, oh, there's so many words under it.

00:21:45
So we use the words. We talk, say, the five Ds. So it's dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, dysgraphia, and ADHD. And so that's how we refer to it. Because, you know, again, it's just like, in New York State, where in the IEP it's specified learning disability.

00:22:01
I mean, I fought my, like, you know, with the teachers. You will put his. What he has. Because you talk to him. You have no idea.

00:22:10
This kid struggles. And then you look at his IEP and you're like, okay, this does not match. And that would happen time and time. They'd be like, okay, yeah, sure, you struggle. And then, you know, then they would be like, wait, you're not trying.

00:22:19
And I'm like, you guys are not. So I had to fight. But that is one of the reasons why, because 5DS makes it more like, okay, we can go into each of these five D's. Go ahead, Brian. No, and.

00:22:31
And, you know, we're trying to, obviously, you know, you know, bring dyslexic to the forefront while you. It doesn't bring it to the forefront. If you see narrative verture, you know, to us, you know, autism gets all the money, right. Where do they fall? We fall underneath it.

00:22:47
You know, we don't get any, Any recognition isn't the right word. There isn't. You know, you're going to be a special ed teacher. They don't even teach about dyslexia. Obviously teach about autism.

00:22:56
There's no funding. We're on the. We're always kind of the, you know, the middle. Middle child, if you want to say, when it comes to that. So when we.

00:23:05
Is why we kind of broke it away to try and bring more reference, more light to it by saying the 5Ds, you know, by saying that word, you know, yes, we are. We're all neurodivergent. Yo, we learn differently, but that doesn't help us grow what we have. Acknowledge what we have. Helping schools to understand what we have, you know, to hopefully get more funding for what we have.

00:23:30
If we keep, you know, blocking it underneath, that is kind of what we, you know, we came. What's your thoughts of that?

00:23:39
I.

00:23:42
When, when I first heard the term neurodivergent, I was like, oh, that's cool. I also have a problem with it because so often it becomes this conversation that's like, well, if you're neurodivergent, then this is what you should look like, how you should act, what you're gonna do, and it all gets lumped in. Yeah. And that creates a ton of misunderstandings. Yes.

00:24:02
And a lot of. When I first started posting content about dyslexia, um, I, I developed one or two haters because of how I talked about it. Join the club. And a lot of that was rooted in the way I kind of talked about it as neurodivergency. And I have, I have very much shifted away from that because I, I agree that when, when we talk about it just as like here, this big broad concept, it doesn't actually help anyone understand or really differentiate between what each thing is.

00:24:36
Right. Instead, it becomes this kind of confusing, not homogeneous, but homogeneous seeming blob of like, oh, you're just different than the neurotypical, which don't even get me started how I feel about the term neurotypical.

00:24:50
You're in the right group then, because we're the same way. It's so much more valuable to talk about things with the specific specificity that that actually tells you what they are because that helps you better understand yourself and that enables you to ask for what you need. It enables you to actually the resources that you need based on your specific profile. Yeah, a hundred percent. That's so much more meaningful and valuable than just being like, well, I'm different.

00:25:17
It's like, okay, cool, right? What should I do with that? Right. Right. Yeah.

00:25:22
Yeah. So I agree. I, so I so appreciate that. So I'm also, I'm very curious of why and how, like, your path of going into being a licensed counselor so, like, you had to go to more school. I did.

00:25:39
I was never going to do more school ever. Like, I did high school and when. And I got a bachelor's degree from Moody Bible Institute in educational youth ministry, and I was going to go run a camp. That was my dream. That was the plan.

00:25:52
And then during my senior, junior to senior year, I was a backpacking guide in the North Cascades in Washington, and I worked with a bun, a bunch of inner city kids from Spokane and Seattle. And I was kind of dumbfounded by, like, oh, I am, I have no idea what to do when I'm talking to somebody whose life is really different than mine, who has had suffering that I haven't had, who, who hasn't grown up in this classic, like, American dream nuclear family that I grew up in. And when I got back from my senior year, I took like, an elective counseling class and was like, oh, I love this. This is fun. And that was kind of the first impetus that said, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go pursue education so that I can, so that I can talk to people for a living.

00:26:37
Like, that sounds, that sounds great. And I went and did my master's. And the, the difference between my master's and my undergrad was that for your master's, you get to actually focus a lot more on what you want to do. Like, a lot of a bachelor's is, is just general stuff that. It's like, these classes are hard because I don't care.

00:26:56
Right. Like, that's, that's part, a big part of why they're hard because I'm, I just have to do them. And when I did my master's, I, I got really close to the program head, and so I spent a lot of time in her office and a lot of time just connecting, building that relationship. And she, she pushed me to do a doctorate because at the time I was like, I kind of want to teach. Like, I, I, I want to do this.

00:27:22
I want to take this further. And I love, I love learning. I don't, I don't love a lot of Components of school. Because when I am in school, that is like, that's all my free time. Free time is just not real.

00:27:35
I get little moments where I would take a break. But mostly it was like me sitting at my computer working on school. But she challenged me to like try it. And so I did. I finished my master's, took a year off and just worked.

00:27:51
And then I started a doctoral program. And, and that like the doctoral program was both the most time consuming thing that I have ever done. Like, I said no to more things during that period of life than the rest of my life ever. Because it was, it was just like me sitting at my computer, me trying to read through things, me writing papers, me doing all of these things. And I would talk to like I had peers who were also in the program and they'd be like, oh yeah, it's, it's, it doesn't take that much time.

00:28:21
And I'm like, we must be different because I don't know what you're talking about. Cuz I have no life because I do this. But the, the goal was that I was going to become a professor and I graduated with that right when Covid hit and the, that plan went out the window. And so that's, that was when I was like, you know what? I'm really tired of working for other people.

00:28:46
I'm just going to go and do my own thing and moved out of Chicago, started my own business, all of that. But what was really interesting through that whole process is I was told as a kid I was dyslexic. And all I thought that meant was like, spelling is hard, reading is hard. And it like I flip letters sometimes. That's what I thought it meant between really during my master's and kind of between my master's and my doctorate was when I started learning more about it.

00:29:14
I was like, you mean all of these things that have been hard are hard because of this? And that, that had a profound impact on how I thought about myself and even more and more how I did things and how I would try and like learn and get information. And after I finished my doctorate. This is like the whole story here, I hope. No, I love this.

00:29:41
No, this is good. No, I love this. After I finished my doctorate, like one of the things that you're supposed to do if you become a counselor is you're supposed to niche down. It's like, who's the audience that you work with? And I'm, I love everything and I'm interested in everything.

00:29:53
And so I always had A very hard time articulating this is who I want to work with. But as. As I started making content on social media, because I started really doing that in earnest in 2020, I talked just a lot about general mental health. I do. I've done a lot of couples work, a lot of training on doing couples work.

00:30:11
Like, that was really fun. But then there was this point where I was like, there's this. There's this thing. There's this piece of my life that I never talk about, and it's the dyslexia piece. And I've talked about it among colleagues.

00:30:23
I've talked about it in my own therapy. And every time I would bring it up, people would be like, why is that a big deal? Like, it's not. Isn't that just like spelling and flipping letters? And I would always be like, it's a little bit more than that.

00:30:36
But I started feeling more and more like, I want to talk about this. And the first time I actually posted about dyslexia, I did this whole heartfelt like, this is my story. This is what it is. I posted it. And in relation to how my normal content performed, it did nothing.

00:30:51
Like, it went nowhere. I felt so self conscious, I deleted it like half an hour later. And I was like, I'm never doing that again. And it was like two months later that I started talking a little bit about neurodivergency and people started hating me. And then almost out of spite, I was like, watch this.

00:31:07
And there was a moment where I decided, I'm going to only post about this for the next three months. And so I dropped all of the other mental health content and just focused on just dyslexia for, I think it was three or four months. And I got a lot of comments that were like, dude, we're not here for this. We don't care. Why are you talking about this?

00:31:26
Where's the other content? And then over those three months, I started to get more and more people being like, hey, thank you for talking about this. Right. And so that was kind of the impetus that got me to where I am today. No, I love that.

00:31:41
So now do you have other. Because I know you talk about, you know, some of the other five Ds. Do you think that you have some of the other five Ds or you, you know, because we. I'm, as Brent says, I'm curious. I got four of the five.

00:31:53
So. Yeah. And so. And as I was first diagnosed with adhd, then dyslexia, I was not with Dysgraphia and dyscalculia. But I am so dyscalculia.

00:32:03
It's like. I mean, that is probably. But I also wasn't taught, right. I was just shoved aside like, oh, you're just a girl. You can't get math, so, like, we're not going to teach you.

00:32:11
But there's probably a tad bit of all of it. Right? You know, again, I don't. Dyspraxia. I don't know as much about that, but I definitely am not that.

00:32:20
But my. Montgomery was diagnosed with all of it. Right. And so then as he started growing and. And then more that we do this, I'm like, oh, okay.

00:32:28
But I don't think dyscalculia and dysgraphia, really. When I was young, that wasn't even. Those weren't even words, right. They didn't even talk about that. Like, my dad's the one that dyslexic.

00:32:37
My. You know, we have. My older sister is as well, and she's got more. She's got like 3 of the 5Ds. So now that you know more about it, like, would you say that you see parts in the other 5Ds that.

00:32:51
You have definitely ADHD? Like, my. My wife will make fun of me all the time for that because I'll be doing something and then doing another thing and then doing. And she'd be like, What? My wife's ADHD too.

00:33:04
You know, one day she's like, we have 13 projects going on right now at once. Yeah. And I have three more in my mind that I want so that. That I'm 98% sure is there. And then I. I didn't actually learn that dysgraphia existed until 2020.

00:33:24
Mm. Like, I'd never heard of it. I had never heard of dyscalculia. Dyscalculia. Dyscalculia, whatever it's called.

00:33:31
I. I had never heard of that until kind of a similar similar area of time. I'm pretty sure. I'm not. I don't have dyscalculia. I wouldn't be shocked if I was slightly dysgraphic.

00:33:43
Um, but definitely I resonate a lot more with the experience of dyslexia than dysgraphia. Yeah, it. It. It's. It is.

00:33:51
It's. It's fascinating, but it also, like, you know, generationally and where we grow up and what it. You know, was. Again, I grew up in a very affluent, everyone was really good at school kind of town, and so I was just like. And I. I have a good sense of humor.

00:34:08
See, I knew he was gonna make a face. So I was like, the funny one, right? The funny, athletic one that really didn't care about school. And I cared so much, and I tried so hard, and it was. The more that people were like, oh, you're not trying.

00:34:21
Anytime we had discussions, like English and history, the first, like, three days, they'd be like, oh, my God, we can't wait. You're gonna have so many great discussions. You're so pithy. Or all these things, words that. I was like, I don't even know what this means.

00:34:31
First time I had to do a test or a paper, I'd get called in. You know, I don't know what this is, but you were either with your boyfriend or hanging out with your friends or on the sports field. You didn't put any work into it. And I'd be like, I put so much work into it. And.

00:34:44
No, no, you didn't. You know, and then they wouldn't believe me. And it was like, all right, I'm just gonna, you know, go through. And the only reason why I went to college was because I wanted to play sports. And so I played.

00:34:55
I played two sports. I was originally only playing one, but I couldn't get my SATs high enough to play Division 1, so I wasn't allowed to do that. So at the last minute, I got an offer for D3, so I played two. I went in for Corporate Fitness because. I was like, you didn't really.

00:35:11
London really wasn't a sport. It was field hockey and lacrosse. What is that? House. You know, house sport.

00:35:22
It's not a house sport. It wasn't. It's actually an Olympic sport, sir. Actually, both are now. So I went in as Corporate Fitness because I was like, okay, corporate.

00:35:33
I can do people all day long, right? Like, I. I can talk and do all that. That is it. And fitness, I'm. That's where I succeeded.

00:35:39
And then I had to take anatomy and physiology, and it was like, oh, you need to rethink everything. And school was. I. That's when I got diagnosed with adhd. Because I called.

00:35:48
I was like, I can't do this. I was like, I literally. I know every. Like, what color shirt every kid has in the class, and, like, everyone's face and, like, all the cute boys, and I cannot focus at all. And so she's like, yeah, we know that you do.

00:36:00
You have all these different things, but we just never really got you officially diagnosed. And I Was like, okay, well, I think I need help. And. And so then I went on meds. But then later in life, I was off when I started having kids, and now I use homeopathy.

00:36:14
But going into the, I'm 51, going into the perimenopause and menopause that with your ADHD, like, oh, I'm like, Jesus. I just had a control of it and that's tough. But I still, you know, do nutrition and all that kind of stuff. But it is, it's not easy. And for men is.

00:36:36
I mean, do you guys, as you get older, do you find the difference with your adhd? Well, I don't think we've ever talked about that. No, I, you know, it's. The difference is understanding. You know, I talk about, you know, I use some words all the time, probably on every podcast.

00:36:56
Relatability and understanding. You can, you can't understand anything. You don't know. So our question is, you know, I didn't, I never heard the word dyslexia until I've 32. I grew up in Canada and I remember walking into an English final was grade 11.

00:37:17
As you. Grade 11 or 12. And put my name on there and I didn't write a thing, said I was sick and wrote on the backside, teacher, I was sick. On the note in the back. I got 60 in the class.

00:37:28
60. They've just passed me, you know, so for. To answer that question is, I don't know, I can, I can't look back because my back's black.

00:37:42
You know, a lot of my childhood is black. I don't remember school. You know, obviously it's my brain protecting itself from childhood traumas. So I'm, you know. Yeah, I definitely don't produce, obviously, testosterone.

00:37:59
My wife's like, you're getting fat now. She's like, dirty look right now. No, she doesn't. I'm just kidding. But I, you know, obviously I, I feel the difference, but it's.

00:38:10
The ADT portion of it is understanding. I've got more understanding today than I did yesterday. Right, so you can. Right. Yeah.

00:38:19
So I can. If I had this much understanding, you know, last 10 years, and I could probably answer that question completely. Yeah, that's fair enough. Yeah. Yeah.

00:38:28
I don't know about you, Jacob. Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts, some experiences. I. So I'm 34. Yeah, I'm 34 to think about it.

00:38:41
But there are so many different factors that, that are just kind of life stage factors that play a huge role. Like I have four kids. The Oldest is seven. So that's what my life is like. And I can tell you that when I'm low on sleep, when I'm high on stress, when I have a whole bunch of those things going on, my ability to have executive function or focus on things is just gone.

00:39:04
Like, it's shot. It's like. And I, I think, Brent, to what you said, the understanding that comes from, like, I, I get this, I see it. And therefore I'm able to maybe, like, for me, I'm able to be a lot more gracious with myself because of that. I'm able to actually be like, hey, this is where I'm at.

00:39:23
I'm not going to. I'm not going to try and, like, change how things are instead of trying to work with how things are. Like, I think that's huge. And I can also tell you that there's. There's actually a decent amount of research that has gone into, like, how, how do things like ADHD and dyslexia, those are the ones that I've most researched.

00:39:43
How do those. How do those change over time and what are some of the negative impacts they can have? The older you get, the, the more the symptoms of them are likely to worsen, at least some because there's cognitive decline, there's hormonal changes, there's all of these things that make it so it's like they will get a little bit worse or, or even like one of one of the things that's really common. And this is. I hate saying this because it's awful, but also it's important to talk about.

00:40:12
Your likelihood of getting something like dementia is actually much higher if you have any of these things. Not the Aussie lifespan of anybody who has, has, you know, the 5Ds are 15 years shorter. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, there's that. That is a whole fascinating conversation.

00:40:28
Like, there's so much there as to why it is. Why it is that way, and it doesn't have to be for a lot of them, which is the great. Right. Obviously, hereditary dyslexia is hereditary. And you have four kids.

00:40:38
Do you see any signs? And yeah, among the four children, though, I see definitely some dyslexia. Definitely. Definitely some adhd. Some.

00:40:52
Yeah, some adhd. I'm like, oh, my goodness. Are you going to get them tested? Yes, not yet. And there.

00:41:03
There's also. Pretty sure there's some autism present. There's actually some hyperlexia. Pretty sure. I've heard you talk about this and finish doing.

00:41:13
Because. But then I want you to dive into that a little bit because I. And then. Yeah, the. The other two are still so young that it's like.

00:41:22
Yeah, I'm not sure. Can't tell. I mean, the. Our youngest is 10 months old. Yeah.

00:41:28
And so, I mean. Yeah, he's currently in OT and PT because he is a little bit slower physically. So there's that too. In our oldest also, he was. He was born prematurely, and then we also had PT with him for the first several years because he had low muscle tone.

00:41:45
So. Kids, 1. Wait till your grandparents like I am. You know, as you said, you're 34. My oldest, 35.

00:41:52
So you're younger. It's. Grandparents are so much better. Yeah. Chew them up.

00:41:59
Bring the toys they bring. I should bring this little toy over. You know, they came over for Canada today, and my grandson came running in and made this thing for my wife. And Gam Gam, here's for your coffee table. It's just.

00:42:13
Oh, he ran right by me. Like, I wasn't even standing there. There was no high. There was no high gampa. There was nothing.

00:42:21
Oh.

00:42:25
Oh, my God.

00:42:28
This is for your coffee table. So excited. And this is where. That is the cutest thing ever. I love it.

00:42:35
So that's what. That's what you get to look forward to. Can't wait. That. That's.

00:42:40
That's really cute. Well, but, you know, the thing is. So now, like, now I look back, because as I said, Montgomery is very dysgraphic. And I'll never forget. So my sister had.

00:42:48
We had our kids a week apart, but she lives in Charlotte and I. And it wasn't on purpose, but it just happened to be. And I'll never forget. She was like, why are you guys in the planet? So you guys.

00:42:57
You weren't like, hey, we're trying to conceive. Yeah, sisters do that. No, we did not. You didn't. You didn't.

00:43:04
We missed a condom hole. Yo, let's do it now. I was gonna say, yeah, well, I'm a little past that.

00:43:15
So I. We. We got the kids together when they were little. You know, obviously we would. Were close.

00:43:20
And I remember her putting, like, these big chunks of food when it was time for them to eat on Bradley's. And I was like, you can't put that big on Montgomery's. And she's like, why were you talking about it? She's like, oh, my God. You never were such.

00:43:31
Like. She's like. You were never, like, nervous and stuff. I was like, no, he will choke. I can't put him in his high chair fully.

00:43:37
Because he chokes all the time when she. She's like, what are you talking about? A piece of food? And he did not. Now I know it's his dysgraphia.

00:43:46
He did not use his pinchers. He uses whole hands. And she goes, what is he doing? And I go, I fucking told you. And he starts choking and pulled it out.

00:43:53
She's like, oh my God. And then the rest of the time the food. And I was like, you don't have to make it that small. She's like, I don't know what's going on. She's like, but we didn't.

00:44:01
We had. I still even. And my mom was in education. No idea. Now I know that that was a huge.

00:44:07
Now this is like what made me crazy. The school's like, make him do this. Make him do this. Do ot do all these things. He's dysgraphic that you're not going to rewire.

00:44:15
I don't believe you're going to rewire it and change it. Maybe you can make it a little bit better. But like I was like, I'm not doing all this stuff. He's super athletic and there's things. I'm not going to throw all of the shit down his throat.

00:44:26
He plays soccer and he thinks that's a fake sport too. I didn't let my kids actually ice hockey because I was like, I'm not going on the ice early in the morning. Like, we have rules. So you're going to be athletic. Let's pick some.

00:44:36
Let's pick some different things. I want my beauty sleep. There's no 6am practices. Exactly. How's the rule?

00:44:43
I need my sleep. Even though I could go for five hours. This is not about me anyways. So you're trying to make it about me. But that is like.

00:44:53
That was one of the early things that now I know that I'm like, that was huge. Because he could not. And we used to call him blood Hands every. If he came in his little brother's not. Not even two years apart.

00:45:06
If he came in for the hug, you got punched. Like it was like. Oh. Like he had no control of his hands and it was like so interesting. But he was really good at sports.

00:45:15
So it was like just. That's interesting. And that was my, you know, my daughter, you know, who is now she's 23. She's one just like what we call. Used to call in a shop.

00:45:23
Yeah. Spilling things. Just like metal hands going again. We didn't know. Now you know, we've learned so much in the last two years about dyslexia, doing this podcast and just talking.

00:45:37
Yeah, we talk about it. Be like, yeah, that's what it is. And yeah. You know, so for your. Your posts and what you do is we always share back and forth.

00:45:47
Oh, look at this one. Look at the. You know, because that's the relatability that I always talk about. Yeah. And then also, like, just as we said, like, us going through the things that we've gone through, like, when I was pregnant and breastfeeding, my attention deficit was the best it ever was.

00:46:03
I was like, well, I don't know what's happening, but whatever. Hormones going through me, like, I was so good. Really. Second nut. Yeah.

00:46:08
But. And then I. Oh, my God. I was like, if I could bottle up whatever is high here. And, you know, I'm. I.

00:46:15
Breast milk tastes good, though, right?

00:46:21
I got it. That was a bat. One night. I. Sober. I was sober then, too.

00:46:25
Oh, you were sober then? Yeah. Kendall's house at the Christmas party.

00:46:31
It does, though, actually. It's not bad. So I didn't know that. You've never. Oh, I never took.

00:46:36
Oh, my God. My attention deficit was the best. And I was like, this is so. And then I went on homeopathy when I was pregnant with Penelope, because I. There was never a time, like, I was pregnant, breastfeeding.

00:46:45
Pregnant breastfeeding. I have three. And there was never a time. I'm gonna ask you, as you'll. Obviously, you're double your.

00:46:52
Your pregnancy. You're double everything in you, right? Yeah. Is that the only difference to hormones, is that you have more? I think so.

00:47:04
Yeah. Just. Just thinking of what you just said. Is that. What's.

00:47:08
Is that the only difference when you're pointing. Somebody's praying when a woman's pregnant is that they have more of everything. Or. Is there anything different in there? Does it produce.

00:47:18
I'm asking, does it produce a different hormone? Yeah. Yeah. Does it produce a different hormone? I don't know.

00:47:23
Let's ask the doctor. J. I don't know. Yeah. Doctor, thanks for coming on. Doctor, let me ask you a question.

00:47:29
Not a medical doctor, just for the record. My doctorates in counseling, but. Okay. What I. What I can tell you is that, like, as.

00:47:35
Especially when you become pregnant, your body goes through a crazy amount of changes, and it will produce wildly, sometimes even fluctuating hormones. And that's why, like, there are good days, there are bad days. There. There are the moments where it's like, this is amazing. And the moments where it's like, I hate everyone and I hate everything, and I feel awful.

00:47:56
But the other thing that changes is that your brain physically changes when you are pregnant, and it doesn't actually get back to, like, quote, unquote, normal until around. Around two years after giving birth. Yeah. I want to say the thing your brain does is actually shrinks some. And it really.

00:48:13
It shrinks. I'm pretty sure you've never gotten back to normal, Juliet.

00:48:20
But. But there are. There are so many. That's. That's why pregnancy brain, or, like, that's why that term is a thing, because there are so many changes that negatively impact your functioning.

00:48:31
Right. And mine did, like, the opposite. But that's like when I smoked weed, I'm smaller. He did. I did.

00:48:38
Yeah. That. So does it. Does it never come back to that normal size? So, you know, like a woman who's had five kids, you know, does that.

00:48:45
Does it. Is it. No, no, no, you're fine. Oh, look at Curious George. Look at this.

00:48:51
I'm double checking because whenever I say something like this, I'm like, I know. 98. Sure I'm right. But I want to make sure. Okay.

00:48:57
So you look at that. And that. That's interesting. So I also think adrenaline, because of the lack of sleep and stuff, I do very well with adrenaline. So I think that that's some of it.

00:49:06
But then I went on homeopathy. Homeopathy. And so I was on a remedy before I. So I never went back on meds because when Penelope was in utero is when I went on a remedy. So did that first remedy.

00:49:20
Did that. Were you trying to duplicate that? I. So. Because I did say to Naomi, I did say to her, like, okay, whatever's happening.

00:49:27
So this is an. I know we don't have a ton of time, but in between, I stopped. I remember Hahn being. I can't believe I never talked about this. No, I've never heard this.

00:49:36
Okay, this is very interesting. So in between Truman and Penelope, Hahn was like, can we just have a little break? Like, I kind of want you back for a little while. And I was like, okay, okay, I'll be a good wife. And, yes, I will.

00:49:50
I will come back. And I'll never forget there was, like, two weeks that I had stopped breastfeeding and we weren't pregnant. And my attention deficit was. We weren't pregnant. We weren't.

00:50:02
Yes, we weren't pregnant. I said that we were pregnant. Yes, I was one of those. So I literally. A bouncy ball from my big toe.

00:50:12
To my head. And I was like, holy. And Hahn never knew me when I was not on meds. He knew me in my, like, fun drug days, so he didn't know that. But I also was on Adderall and stuff, so I was like, okay.

00:50:28
We went to dinner, and I said to him, I was like, I either have to talk to Naomi or we have to have. We got to get pregnant because I'm driving myself crazy. I. My attention deficit is out of control. And he's like, oh, I'm so glad you said something, because.

00:50:42
Oh, my God. He's like, you're all. And I was like, yeah, no, it's really bad. It's. They came back, like, tenfold.

00:50:50
And that night. So I knew. I know my body really, really well. And I knew I was ovulating. And there's.

00:50:55
Whatever. My sister was like, if you. We had two boys, and she wants to know. That's what he wants to know about. Yeah, no, but.

00:51:01
So. No, it's not. I listen to everything. We went, see, am I here? And my sister Megan was like, you could have.

00:51:07
If you guys try to have a baby tonight, you will have a girl. And I was like, we just had, like, a big Italian dinner. I'm not. It's like, five courses. No, I'm not.

00:51:15
No. She would not leave us alone. She called us, like, 35 times. And Hahn was like, okay, listen, sex with your sister, if you fuck off and don't call for two days. And she was like, fine.

00:51:25
We got pregnant with Penelope and I, and then we went on. And then I did homeopathy, and I never went back on meds. What do you mean? How did she know it was going to be a girl? Because this is so random, and this is so attention deficit.

00:51:39
This is perfect. So there is. There is a philosophy. So everyone in Charlotte. She lived in.

00:51:45
She lives in Charlotte. She's like, juliet, Everyone either has two boys and a girl or two girls. And I was like, okay, I don't care. Like, if I have a third boy, it's fine. Like, which is so weird.

00:51:53
She's like, no, please, just. I'm from five, and there was four girls and one boy. She's like, you want a daughter? And I was like, okay, what is your. What is your philosophy?

00:52:01
She's like, so you have sex once and then you don't have it again. Like, if you have a boy, you keep having sex because that sperm gets there. So, Hahn. And what. I'm telling you, it worked.

00:52:13
Well, let's ask the doctor. He's Like, I'm not a medical doctor. Poison girls. Right? I'm pretty sure that your anecdotal experience there worked for you, but I. I wouldn't.

00:52:27
I wouldn't publish anything being like, if you want. I'm telling you. There's. I'm telling you. All of her friends at the same time.

00:52:33
Everyone. It was. It had, like, the same thing, but so now all the men are like, that's just. That's just you guys saying, so you don't have to have sex multiple times a night. That's all.

00:52:43
That's a. That's a perfect excuse for a woman. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

00:52:48
So then Penelope was conceived. And so we have a funny story of Penelope. And it was like, wait, it is a girl. Megan's like, I told you. Anyways, I never went on.

00:52:56
It's like your son Montgomery is named after the drug dealer. Should we keep going here? Story time. Juliet? You asked.

00:53:03
I wasn't telling you. You fucking asked. Oh, my God. That really went that sideways. Really?

00:53:13
You fell for that? It worked. It worked. But then I never went back on meds. The whole point of the story that I never went back on meds because then I did homeopathy and that.

00:53:29
I'm more intrigued about that. That's. You know, we can't. We don't want to keep, you know, all day long. But I'm more intrigued to about.

00:53:36
No, I never heard you talk about. Your ADHD. Felt the best. Was it whenever. When you.

00:53:42
When you're pregnant with. With each one, or was it. Yeah, but breastfeeding was better. Breastfeeding was better. My ADHD was way better with breastfeeding.

00:53:51
Pregnancy still was not as bad. But then you do have, like, a little bit of pregnancy brain, right? Like, there was a couple times, and I was like, I don't know if this is a. With breastfeeding. It was.

00:54:00
I've never felt, like, so calm and like. Really? Yeah. And I breastfed them long, probably because I was like, wait, I feel so good. Not long.

00:54:10
Like, weird long. But. I love that it was long. But it wasn't. Like, they weren't.

00:54:16
Like, we're not doing it anymore. How old is the kid?

00:54:21
Her friend's cousin. Yeah. I wasn't five. Five years old.

00:54:27
Five years old. There was breastfeeding. Well, when we lived in Park Slope, I. There was a lot of people that were. That time.

00:54:32
But, I mean, we're in some parts of the world that that's what it is. No judgment. No, no, no, no judgment at all. I just. That's a big kid.

00:54:41
Yeah. I'm curious because when you're.

00:54:45
When you're breastfeeding, you get a lot of skin to skin contact and that produces a lot of oxytocin. And oxytocin is really good. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I feel like we can make something like, I would say, interesting, because I've. Never heard of her say this before.

00:55:01
Yeah, yeah, I would. I think you also get more dopamine from the experience, especially if it's already like an enjoyable experience. Yeah, yeah, I. Yeah, right, exactly. That closeness and connection is huge. Really?

00:55:13
Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Very interesting. How can you reproduce that?

00:55:18
You know? You know, bottle it up. I used to say all the time, if I could bottle this up, I would like. I used to say I get bought up the kids energy and sell it, you know?

00:55:29
Yeah, some of it. Right? Yeah, no, something. Whatever it was, it was, it was awesome.

00:55:37
One of the ways you could kind of experiment if you wanted to try and test this out, is if you tried to incorporate, I don't know, like the family in your life, who's there that you could have actual physical closeness to. I thought you say something else. And I was like, okay, my kids are teenagers. This is. But like, I'm not gonna tell you to start breastfeeding them again.

00:55:58
Don't do that. Hey, guys, guess what? He would be in the news and it wouldn't be good. Um, but if you tried to get more like, are you married? I am married.

00:56:09
Okay, so if you and your, if you and your spouse tried to have more like time, hugging, touching, being close and actually, because that's one of the big ways that we produce that is through physical connection. So Zara, I heard, you know, not only kissing, kiss for six minutes. Is that, is that the correlation? Right? I. I have not heard kiss for six minutes, but I mean.

00:56:35
Oh, sorry. Six seconds. So sorry, I was off a couple minutes. I know that there is an amount where it's like the, the close. The.

00:56:43
The longer you're touching, the more it's like, okay, this is good. And your body's like, this is good. This is safe or feeling loved or feeling connection, and it produces that. Yeah, that's interesting. That is.

00:56:52
I mean, because it is 100% where it's like you. You know, everyone has to, you know, hug for like, you have to have that connection. So. Yeah, no, that's interesting. I think this is hilarious.

00:57:03
It's not six minutes. Catch Six seconds, sir. Six seconds. I knew what you meant. We share.

00:57:07
I shared off my wife. I got. Look, six minutes. Six minutes would be that long time. Hahn would be like, okay, now six seconds I can do.

00:57:15
I'm not kidding. Ten times a day. Six minutes. What's. Oh, no, go ahead.

00:57:21
There you go. Okay. What's really interesting is that, like, when you have physical closeness with somebody and you feel safe there, you feel accepted like that, that is incredibly good for us emotionally to have that. And when you look at a lot of. A lot of where people struggle when they, when they have things like any of the 5Ds, a lot of the struggle comes from post, the negative experience.

00:57:48
How do I look at myself? It's that self esteem piece. The. The piece that I usually talk about it as self acceptance. Like, can I look at myself and be like, this is me.

00:57:55
I don't need to have. I don't need to have. I don't need to be at war with myself. I was going to say cognitive dissonance, but that's like, I don't need to be at war with myself internally. If I can accept who I am, then it's easier for me to look at it and be like, okay, how do I.

00:58:09
How do I actually make my life work in a way that works for me? And when you get somebody else who comes alongside you and is like, hey, I love you, like the person you are is incredible. I want to be. I want to be close to you. I want to be with you.

00:58:21
I want to touch you like that. That feeds all these incredibly important parts of ourselves. And it's not that that would make it so. It's like, oh, yeah, we can just erase everything else. It doesn't.

00:58:31
No, but it helps, right? The understanding. Yeah, that's, you know, and that's probably for me, I didn't connect with anybody TILL I was 46 years old.

00:58:46
You know, played pro hockey for 18 years. I left, I left with no friends. Yeah. Never really had a friend in my life. That's so isolating.

00:58:57
Yeah. You know, it was, you know, just to bridge off what you're saying, you know, because we're almost, you know, taking up enough your. Your time. But it's interesting what you just said, because I never had that, you know, and I couldn't. I couldn't love myself.

00:59:13
I always say, if you can fall in love with yourself, look in the mirror and say, I love you know it, feel and believe it, your life will change to, you know, to your point. And the earlier that we have the understanding in life, the easier it is to say those things. The longer you go, the harder it is because then you go back and retrace your steps for 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, whatever that ends up being. It's a long path.

00:59:41
Yeah, it is. And yeah, no go. The, the more you're able to, the more you're able to look at yourself and be like, this is me. And I don't need to hide any of it. Like, I, I, I don't have any piece of me that I want to cut off.

01:00:04
The, the more you're able to do that, the easier it is to then move to that place of being. Like, I can look at myself in the mirror and I can smile. And it's not forced, it's genuine in that, that, that move towards that love that you were talking about. Brentley. That's huge.

01:00:19
A, that's such a big deal. Especially when you've had so much negative feedback or criticism or being told like, no, you're not working hard enough. You're not good at this. You're never going to achieve, like, all of those terrible messages that get reinforced over and over and over again.

01:00:36
Like, yeah, you gotta find this. We can go on all day. I was gonna say we could. We're gonna have to have you back. But I'm like, seriously, thank you so much.

01:00:46
Because really, you do. The way you explain the 5D's always makes us be like, yes, this guy gets it. So thank you for saying yes and coming on. And I love, I love the attention. Definite.

01:01:00
You're like, I think I might have attended deficit pregnant.

01:01:07
Well, we'll have to talk more about that because that, like, I'm interested. Yeah. Like there, there's definitely. Yeah, it was. Whatever.

01:01:14
I'm not, I'm not going to tell. I won't say anymore. I'm going to, because I know at 12:30 you need to go and we all need to go. So you guys, you know what to do. Like rate, review and share because you don't know who needs to hear this.

01:01:25
And Please go follow Dr. Jacob Santhouse on all of the platforms. He really gives such beautiful. Breaks down little things that are like, yes, I love this. And makes, makes the conversation. It makes a conversation starter and the understanding behind it is really important.

01:01:42
So thank you again for joining. Word blindness, dyslexia exposed.